By R.J. Beaumia
The recent New Jersey marriage ruling makes me feel like one of the mobster’s wives in Martin Scorsese’s “Goodfellas.”
If you’ve seen the film, you might recall the brilliant, hilarious scene where, after making one of the biggest cash heists in U.S. history from a Lufthansa air cargo terminal in New York, mob boss James Conway (Robert De Niro) tells his men to wait a while before spending the loot so as not to draw the attention of the FBI.
So what happens? They all immediately show up at a post-robbery celebration with their wives – who have been gloriously backcombed and liquid eye-linered – lousy in mink coats, diamonds, and powder-blue Cadillacs.
Yes, I was ecstatic when the New Jersey decision was announced, but I felt the overwhelming dread one feels sometimes when we get what we want.
Like the gift of a Coupe de Ville in “Goodfellas,” it was the right gesture at the wrong time.
In this case, however, the situation has been reversed. The thugs are the Republican Party and scores of churches and other religion-based hate groups that have spread like a pox over the country in the last 30 years, pouncing on the New Jersey decision to rally the righteous voting troops against the specter of the distinct sound of one man’s balls slapping against the butt of another from sea to shining sea.
It will yet be seen how this issue plays out on election night in America’s Hootervilles and Cornfield Counties, but if the swift reaction by Republican Party National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman (supposedly one of the most notorious closet cases in the Capital), Karl Rove, and the Smirking Chimp himself is any indication, there will be lots of pulpit dust pounded into the ether for the next several days.
The media, as usual, were more than happy to announce a newly-invigorated GOP, which has up to now been fighting for its political life in the wake of the Mark Foley scandal, the civil war in Iraq, the grossly uneven economy, and countless criminal indictments amongst its ranks.
According to the New York Times, the Republican’s sophisticated get-out-and-vote apparatus went into full swing right after the New Jersey decision was announced.
“It’s a game of margins,” Republican strategist Charles Black told the Times about the gay marriage issue. “You’ve got about 20 House races and probably half a dozen Senate races that are either dead even or very, very close. So if it motivates in one or two to go vote, it could make a difference.”
Virginia Republican Senator George Allen – he of “macaca” and Confederate flag-loving fame – spoke at two gatherings of anti-marriage activists held in Virginia churches the next two days after the New Jersey decision was announced, according to the Times.
Allen’s alleged racism has plagued his campaign coming into the last stretch of the election, and what was once seen as a secure Republican Senate seat became endangered in an extremely close race with the Democratic candidate Jim Webb.
Virginia is one of the states this election with an anti-marriage proposal on its ballot. Allen backs the measure while Webb has argued that The Times noted that “the court decision could have not come at a better time” for Allen, and that the New Jersey ruling “had immediate ripple effects, especially in Senate races where voters are considering constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage.”
George Bush right away injected the marriage issue into his tired pre-election vaudeville act. Last week he was in Iowa where he raised $400,000 for the Republican House race at a luncheon at the Iowa State Fairgrounds.
The New York Times reported that he told the cheering crowd, “Yesterday in New Jersey, we had another activist court ruling that raised doubts about the institution of marriage,” adding, “I believe it’s a sacred institution that is critical to the health of our society and the well-being of families, and it must be defended.”
What the Times didn’t mention, of course, is that back in 2004 Bush told ABC’s Charlie Gibson in a televised interview that while he didn’t approve of gay marriage, he supported the very thing that the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled on last week: giving gays and lesbians legal parity with heterosexual couples through civil unions.
“I don’t think we should deny people rights to a civil union, a legal arrangement, if that’s what a state chooses to do so,” Bush told ABC.
Since when, however, has contradicting oneself so blatantly in public ever stopped this gang of hypocrites, felons, thieves, and murderers from their only goal, which is to win elections at any cost?
Just a little bit of reflection here. For those of you who have yet to experience middle-age, let it be known that if you’re a thinking person, the only thing in your life that will get fresher and more intense in time will be your sense of outrage.
New cities you visit will not be as vibrant as they are to you now. Fashion and music will begin to bore you. You will drink instant coffee.
You will turn down free cocaine because you remember you’re the same age as your uncle when he had his first heart attack.
But you will never cease to be livid – absolutely furious – when wanton stupidity supplants rational discourse or thought.
The very notion that this ruling in New Jersey has any bearing on an election – during a time when our government has suspended nearly all of our constitutional rights, has set off a world-wide bloodbath to prove who has the biggest dick on the planet, and has taken our money and given it to the very rich – makes me sick.
Would a caring, thoughtful, smart, generous nation even consider for one moment voting for a group of hoodlums because I might have the legal right to a decent life with my husband? Sure they would, especially since Jesus is running America, and we all know how pissed off he gets when men kiss.
If both houses of Congress are not Democratic on November 8, there is no hope for this country.
So, I’m sort of angry at the fags of New Jersey, even though they’re not at fault. The marriage ruling and its possible consequences remind me of another movie, “Full Metal Jacket.”
If you’ve seen it, you’ll remember the scene where the fat private gets caught by his sergeant hiding a jelly donut in his footlocker. As a punishment, the sergeant makes the entire platoon do countless pushups while ordering the private to eat the donut.
The moral: Your selfishness can affect an entire group.
As a fat boy myself, I detest calisthenics and love jelly donuts, and I want mine now!