But Am I Trans Enough?

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One trans woman's journey through self-doubt, gatekeeping and the question every trans person asks

Anni Arbour

Published: May 7, 2026 | Last Updated: July 15, 2026

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Let's be honest. At some point in your transition journey, you've experienced the lingering feeling that you just might not be transgender. There is even a term for this: Trans-doubt.

I know I've felt it at times — early in my transition, before I stopped listening to others who put the thought into my mind that my gender discomfort (that is, dysphoria) was in my imagination.

I was cursed to have been born in an era when such a feeling was not just discouraged, but a sign of a "mental disorder." It wasn't until the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in 2013 that "gender identity disorder" was eliminated and replaced with "gender dysphoria."

That's right. Less than 15 years ago, the medical community officially deemed us as mentally disturbed.

So, the deck was stacked against anyone who questioned their assigned gender. It was almost universally presumed by the majority of Americans that if you possessed certain sexual attributes at birth, then your gender followed suit.

Such a presumption not only framed the idea that being born into the "wrong" body delusional, it was dangerous. In my case and in the case of many others, coming out as transgender would have been a death sentence. While my conservative family may have grudgingly accepted me if I came out as gay, there was the very real prospect that if I'd come out as transgender, I may have been killed. And even if not, ostracization was a certainty.

The result was that I lived a life of misery. While I learned to wear a mask of masculinity, inside I ached to be a woman. Uttering those words out loud, though, were unthinkable in my situation. I played the game. I dressed as a boy, then a man. I dated women in my masculine form, fathered children and looked to the outside world as every bit the guy's guy they expected me to be.

I reached a point when I could no longer suppress my femininity and maintain my sanity.

But even as I slowly cracked out of my egg, that discouraging voice in my head had me questioning: "Am I transgender enough?"

Was I dysphoric enough to be trans? Was I simply going through a mid-life crisis that manifested as a gender transition? Would I be accepted by other trans people?

It was that last worry that bothered me most. I didn't want to start claiming I was trans just to have other trans people call me out for it. I feared the gatekeepers who would look down on me, judging me unfit to bear the tremendous burden that came from being transgender.

It took me a while to work through this concern. Not only would my coming out as trans bring down the wrath of the cisgender world around me, but I also ran the risk of the transgender world I hoped to enter gracefully rejecting me as well.

I existed in this gender purgatory for several years. I slowly began accumulating women's clothing and learned how to apply makeup, all in preparation for the day I could emerge as a fully formed woman — like Athena from the brow of Zeus. Yet in the back of my mind I could hear the naysayers, and that filled me with dread.

It was not just one experience, nor even a specific day I can recall. But I awoke one morning and thought, "Screw it," and I released Anni onto the world.

Don't listen to outside voices, and stop doubting your decision. Being transgender is not a choice you make; it is your destiny.

If someone — generally a person on social media who has never met you — questions your street cred, or looks at a photo of you and scoffs at your claim to another gender, ignore them. If you go to an event or gathering populated with other trans people and feel like everyone is looking at you as if you don't belong, just realize that probably most of them are thinking the same thing.

We all have doubts about ourselves. Our society is built to exploit that weakness. Those who seek power will demean and humiliate others in order to claw their way to the top of the heap. You have to develop thick skin to survive, especially if you accept that you've been assigned the wrong gender. Don't let the words of others make your life harder than it already is.

If you think you are transgender, then you are. Period.