by Sean Kosofsky
All Politics is Loco
In the past year I have done a lot of soul searching in the hopes that I can be a better man, better partner and better advocate. I am determined to set aside time, frequently if needed, to evaluate myself and ask others to evaluate me. I am more certain of myself than ever, more confident and more determined. But I am also calmer, more patient and more reflective.
Part of my growing and maturing process means being more aware of the leader I have become. I am thirty-one now which means I am still young and have been a young leader since I came out at seventeen. But too often we are in front, but not necessarily leading. And other times we may be loud but we are not being clear. And for many it means offering criticism but not the money or time to help. Leadership I have learned is a very complicated and emotionally commanding experience. You have to always be "on." You have to know which fights to pick and to not take anything so seriously that it hurts most of your personal relationships. Leadership is a lifestyle.
When many of us hear the term leadership we think of self-help books sold by sleazy looking guys at the book store. We may think of elected officials, CEOs or military commanders. Human resource leaders are even pushing people to see themselves as leaders instead of managers.
I have been fortunate enough in the past year to be able to attend two separate leadership development programs. The first was the Center for Progressive Leadership's Michigan Fellowship. It was a nine-month fellowship for leaders who are planning to run for office, run a campaign, or run an organization. The other training occurred in Seattle two weeks ago with the Rockwood Leadership Program. Both programs were fantastic and eye opening.
Being a good leader means having integrity and honesty. Every time we promise things and then don't deliver or tell little white lies to succeed at our job, we diminish our own integrity.
For each program I was asked to complete a 360 Degree review. This means that people who serve above me, below me and at my level answer lots of questions about my leadership performance. Even those of us that think we know our own flaws, are surprised to see how these reviews turn out. It takes some courage but going through a 360 Degree review (twice) was sobering. Needless to say I was far from perfect, but by trusting people close to me to give honest confidential feedback I was confronted with my own leadership challenges. I strongly encourage everyone to try this exercise, however be prepared to dwell on your "areas of improvement."
Another sign of a good leader is the ability to manage your triggers. Many leaders have imploded by letting their pet peeves control them. Some people hate being cut off in traffic, others hate being interrupted. For me, nothing gets my blood boiling like a visible affront to my intelligence. I am not talking about being teased for losing a game of Trivia Pursuit, but the kind of disrespect people show when they need to be right. When I see someone confuse disagreement with an inability to grasp a concept I know my trigger is being hit.
Leadership trainings aren't necessarily about developing charisma or a powerful booming voice. It is about sometimes silently doing what is right – consistently. Being a leader means being misunderstood even when you think you were crystal clear. It means setting aside ego in order to get the job done. It means balancing confidence with cockiness. All leaders struggle with their perceived and actual weaknesses, however the lesson for me recently is to never see leadership as something you are "done" learning.
We need to advance different styles of leadership too. I remember going on a hike with twenty other non-profit leaders and a guide. I kept finding myself walking near the front so I could see and hear everything ahead of us. Then I realized that by being in front, I couldn't see my team. I could only see the terrain ahead. When I stood at the back I had a clearer picture of everyone I was traveling with, including how they moved and who they were speaking with. I could still enjoy the scenery while allowing others to lead. My perspective was impacted most when I realized what I did so quickly about leadership – only by standing in the back was I certain to leave no one behind.
