When Your Parents Are Trumpers: Younger Queer Voters Face Family Rifts Over Political Beliefs
Finding common ground is challenging in the current political environment
Having a house divided by maize and blue and green and white is one thing. But when the colors are red and blue, and the opinions differ on things like gender-affirming healthcare access, protecting queer identities and spaces, as well as the right to an abortion, those opinions bridge more than a belief or a (mostly harmless) rivalry — they can feel like personal attacks.
For many Gen Z and millennial individuals, that is the daily reality of having conservative parents whose beliefs and values don't align with their own. According to the Public Religion Research Institute (PRRI), Gen Z and millennial adults (21%) are less likely than Gen Xers (28%), baby boomers (32%) and members of the Silent Generation (31%) to identify as Republican.
And those differing beliefs can — and likely will — become central to the outcome of this presidential election. For these young people, the different beliefs represent more than a vote on a ballot; they represent hurt and an unwillingness on the part of older generations to listen to why.
Jay Kaplan believes America is so split politically and socially because our leaders often highlight volatility for us, versus understanding other sides and perspectives.
“We don’t know a way to be able to civilly talk about these things and the hurt that comes from our differences,” says Kaplan, staff attorney for the ACLU of Michigan’s LGBTQ+ Rights Project. “I think that’s partly because some of our leaders have been so quick to otherize or marginalize people that don’t share those points of view, too.”
Ren Anteau of Ann Arbor knows firsthand what that is like. Anteau, 28, cut their father out of their life due in part to his harmful beliefs and unwavering support of far-right ideals and conspiracies, like QAnon.
“As a queer person, it had been a point of contention ever since I came out [at 16],” they said. “He's always been conservative, but ever since the 2016 election, our relationship got worse and worse. We had an argument during [that] election that brought me to tears because of his indifference to policy and rhetoric that directly impacted me and the communities I'm part of. It makes me feel relieved to not have to do that this time around.”
Anteau says that it’s impossible for them to imagine their father understanding or respecting their perspective, as he believes being gay is a choice Anteau is actively making.
“The most that I ever hoped for was that he would respect me, my life and my views, and he couldn't even do that,” says Anteau. Toward the end of their relationship, Anteau says it was scary to see how radical his views had gotten.
Some argue that blood is thicker than water and contrasting opinions should not come between families. Others would rather avoid cyclical heated arguments. As a result, many folks bite their tongues at the dinner table or try to avoid political topics completely.
Kaleigh, 30, of Mason County, who asked that we only include her first name, says her family has an unspoken “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on topics relating to politics and, ironically, her queerness.
“That used to be enough for me since I was just happy that my family hadn't disowned me when I came out — the bar is low, I know," she tells Pride Source. "But, lately, as I feel more and more comfortable in my queerness as I come into my 30s, the ‘don't ask, don't tell’ mentality isn't enough for me. I want my family to love me for the entirety of who l am, not just part of me."
Many parents of queer children, including Kaleigh’s, express that their conservative leanings aren’t necessarily personal, but for “the economy and businesses.”
“What I hear when they say that is, ‘I care more about protecting my money than protecting my daughter's rights as a queer woman.’ That hurts me,” she says.
Annabel, 24, of Chicago, who asked that we only include her first name, has had similar disagreements with her father, a staunch Trump supporter. She says they “get into screaming matches” frequently because they are both strong-willed in their beliefs.
“It is hard for me because my dad allegedly is more left-leaning when it comes to social issues like abortion and LGBTQ+ rights, but these issues are not more important to him than things like taxes,” she says. “It obviously hurts to know that as a woman in the LGBTQ+ community, the looming threat of Project 2025 and the harm of another four years of Trump on me and my communities does not matter to him. Even when I try to explain these things to him, he refuses to accept it as fact.”
If she knew he would listen to her, Annabel says she’d like to sit her father down and explain the impact and looming danger if Project 2025 is enacted. But she doubts she’d have the ability to plead her case without a rebuttal or interruption.
“When someone you care about is supporting somebody whose beliefs and values and ethics really go against yours and actually pose a threat to you, I can understand how that's a very tough bridge to try to cross,” says Kaplan.
Kaplan also says a component of young voters having differing opinions and views from their parents is due to them actually having fewer rights than their parents had at their age.
“Look at what has happened in the last two years. They have less rights than women, and even in some cases, transgender men did 50 years ago, thanks to the overturning of Roe v. Wade. And that should be a concern. There's been expanded civil rights protections or recognized constitutional rights, but this is a situation where the younger people, particularly those who can have children, have less rights,” says Kaplan.
The opposition to IVF as a way to start or continue a family also poses a threat to young people unable to conceive for a multitude or reasons.
There’s little evidence that conservative parents tend to change their viewpoints when their children come out as queer, but Ken and Amber Long of Royal Oak may offer some hope. When the couple, who were once self-described Republican, Evangelical Christians, noticed how welcoming the conservative Evangelical community was of “a certain political candidate,” they say they felt alienated for not aligning with those beliefs, which ultimately pushed them to hold a much more progressive outlook.
Today, the Longs, who are parents of a transgender daughter, urge parents of other queer children to listen to their kids and the issues that matter to them. “Your kid is still your kid,” says Amber. “It’s not some huge boogeyman that some people make it out to be — it’s your kid."
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