Creep of the Week: J. Matt Barber

Ladies and Gentlemen: Ellen DeGeneres is turning American housewives gay. Personally, I just thought she had a talk show where she danced funny and occasionally bawled her eyes out over puppies. But then, I'm not an expert like Concerned Women for America's J. Matt Barber.
Barber writes in a June 4 column on CWA's site that he doesn't dislike Ellen, "But she's playing with fire. Ellen compounds the sin of homosexuality by using the platform she's been given to lead others astray. She guides her many adoring housewife fans into rebellion against God's divine and explicit natural order by suggesting they celebrate sin and entertain, along with her, the 'gay marriage' delusion."
Thankfully there are still shows like "Desperate Housewives" to help pull them back from the gay sin and nudge them toward more respectable behavior like having sex with their opposite sex neighbors and landscapers.
But it's going to take more than that to save heterosexual America, especially since that damn ruling in California making it okay for gays to get hitched.
That's where Barber comes in. He begins his June 4 rant by promising readers that he's going to "toss that stifling, mind-numbing muzzle called political correctness" and "dispense with the subtleties and point out what most are thinking but won't say for fear of the inevitable 'progressive' backlash."
Watch out, because Barber's coming at you with a shank made of verbiage.
"So-called 'same-sex marriage' is a counterfeit. It's a fraud and not even a good one at that," he writes. "If marriage is a Rembrandt, then the ridiculous and oxymoronic notion of 'gay marriage' is a Rembrandt knock-off from the pages of Mad Magazine."
Take that evil gay doers!
"When same-sex friendships (or more often, seconds-old acquaintances) are twisted and sexualized, practitioners of 'the sin that dare not speak its name' are forced, at every level, to merely mimic the genuine article," he writes.
Ka-Pow!
"Even 'gay sex' (male-male anal sodomy) is a crude, man-made imitation of the natural heterosexual reproductive process (only the fallen mind of man could concoct such depraved and foul behavior)," he writes. "Sadly, as millions of homosexuals have had to learn the hard way, this disordered, makeshift simulation of a natural biological process is coldly rejected by the very human biology it mocks."
Zap! AIDS shank to the face!
"Homosexual conduct has always been and always will be, in every way, wrong," he writes. "It is unhealthy, and it is sin."
Toot toot! Beep beep! Bad [gays]. Talkin' bout the sad [gays]…
According to Barber, "gay" and "happy" definitely do not mean the same thing. He's talking to you, Ellen. "Happiness derived from sin inevitably rings hollow, he writes. "If Ellen wants real happiness … I pray she'll have a conversation with Jesus Christ." In addition to having all gays repent, what this nation needs now, according to Barber, is not love, sweet love, but a federal constitutional marriage amendment.
"I know. I'm a hateful, homophobic bigot … yada yada yada," he writes. "But for those who disagree, your gripe isn't with me; it's with your sovereign Creator who loves each of us in spite of ourselves."
Something tells me Barber doesn't exactly make the Big Guy's job very easy…