By Sharon Gittleman
FERNDALE – Just imagine the scene. The flowers are perfect. Your wedding gowns are stunning. Your family and your soon-to-be in-laws haven't come to blows. Then disaster strikes.
It happened to a couple not that long ago.
"I always tell people when you use a CD, to put all the songs in order on one CD," said the Rev. Mark Bidwell, senior pastor at Metropolitan Community Church of Detroit in Ferndale.
At one lesbian pair's commitment ceremony, that message was lost in the excitement of the day.
"When one of the brides walked down the aisle it was to 'Jingle Bell Rock,'" he said. "She was furious. Everything got messed up."
It wasn't the only time the course of true love hadn't gone smoothly during the nearly 14 years and close to 100 commitment ceremonies Bidwell has performed. He's not alone. Several other pastors and preachers can say they've shared his troubles during the services they conducted.
Sometimes all you can do is help the brides or grooms try to keep their cool, Bidwell said.
"I usually pray with people and try to make them laugh, he said. "I tell them, 'take a breath, if something goes wrong, just go with the flow.'"
A few couples have needed a little stronger assurance.
"I tell people if something goes wrong, that's not a sign from God that your marriage is wrong," he said.
The guest list isn't always limited to humans, like the time Bidwell wed a couple in Detroit, following their official service in Canada.
"They had their two dogs as ring bearers," he said.
Bidwell said family and friends gathered for the service thought the canine participants were adorable.
"They oohed and awed," he said.
Some newlyweds displayed a wicked sense of humor.
"At one wedding with two couples, I ended up catching the garter. I wasn't trying. They'd egged me on to go to the dance floor," he said.
The packed hall laughed at his predicament.
"The woman who caught the bouquet, when I went up to put the garter on her looked at me like, 'don't touch me, gay boy.'"
Bidwell served as a groomsman at his sister's wedding, nearly escorting a bridesmaid to the altar.
"It was so hot in the church, she passed out," he said.
That wasn't the end of the bride's troubles.
"The ring bearer, another cousin, was about 4," said Bidwell. "During the wedding he walked down the aisle and took the pillow, with the rings tied on it, and tossed the pillow up in the air."
Bidwell's grandmother yelled, "stop that" but the child couldn't hear what she said.
"He finally yelled, 'What grandma?" he said.
Then the boy sat on the step to the altar, crossed his arms and made a pouty face through the ceremony.
There are wedding woes and then there are disasters.
"Our gay weddings we've done in the past tend to be very small weddings," said Betty Short, co-owner of Affinity Wedding Chapel in Ypsilanti with her daughter, Tonia Graham.
Short said when it comes to commitment ceremonies, many LGBT couples discover bad news on their big day.
"They expect a certain amount of people, but maybe a third show up," said Short, who is ordained through the Universal Life Church, along with her daughter.
All but one of the 30 commitment ceremonies they've performed over the last four years had an unexpected and noticeably small number of guests. That's rarely a factor with straight brides and grooms, she said.
Last year, a lesbian couple experienced that misery.
"They were devoted to one another and focused on one another. That's what stays with me more than anything. We went the extra mile to make their time with us as special as possible," she said. "When these people tell you they are coming to your wedding and don't show up that's even more of a blow."
One gay couple who came to Affinity had a dream wedding in more ways than one, said Graham.
The two men in their 30's had tears in their eyes when they said their vows last summer.
"They were amazingly in love. No matter how many weddings you go to, and we go to a lot, it's not very often you see a couple so devoted to each other," said Graham. "Their love gave you goosebumps."
Hundreds of family members and friends came to share the couple's joy, and the grooms returned their affection by showing their concern for their guests' every comfort, she said.
You can't always tell who will fall apart when their wedding day comes, said Rev. Rick Green, from the Praise Fellowship Christian Church in Madison Heights. Green has married nearly a dozen gay couples.
"It's usually the ones who are calm and collected normally that end up being a nervous wreck," he said.
Some brides and grooms make it down the aisle okay, and then have trouble speaking when their big moment comes.
"I always have a backup with their vows written so if they can't remember what they were to say, I can say them and they can repeat them," said Green.
Listening to couples share their vows is his favorite part of the ceremony, he said.
"They are able to express their feelings for one another in a church setting with their family and friends assembled," he said.
Do services differ between the straight and gay couples he marries?
"Other than change of pronouns, no," he said. "A wedding is a wedding no matter who the two individuals are."
