True Colors Tour: The Most 'Color'-ful Moments

Chris Azzopardi

The crowd's clothes were like a box of Crayola crayons when the second annual five-hour True Colors Tour stopped on June 11 at DTE Energy Music Theatre – but vibrancy wasn't just colored on a T-shirt. Host Carson Kressley was "smitten with the mitten." And we were smitten with a certain Cyndi Lauper lover, the B-52s still-random moves, and 10 other bright affairs.


With a larger-than-life eagle, a peace sign, yin-yang and the Human Rights Campaign logo – and dressed in eye-alarming neon yellow, green and orange – this was the most colorful thing there. Like, literally.


They're still no-namers (even a security guard stopped cute lead singer Chris Wallace after his energetic opening gig as he walked through the pavilion), but we're betting, if people forgive Wallace for wearing a magenta tie over a white one, this Fall Out Boy/Panic at the Disco hybrid's pop punk will turn into quite an affair. And, heck, even old security guards might one day know who they are.


"I didn't think anybody would give a shit about this," said Haslett, Mich. resident Shan Maggard, showing his overzealous Lauper love with an uber-big banner featuring decade-spanning magazine covers with the pop icon. Several folks stopped him for a picture. Looks like people do give a shit.


There's one thing that tops Tegan and Sara's pretty harmonies: Their bottomless quips. Like typical sisters, they charmingly dug at each other throughout their folk-pop set, teasing the other about marriage, being a "gaylord," and screwing up the other's song.


You know this is a gay concert when the host shows off his shoes, changes more times than Cher in concert (oh, those checkerboard pants!), and says things about Michigan like, "It's the only state that's shaped like a fashion accessory." Carson Kressley cooked up chuckles more times than he changed outfits. And, during an extended break between The B-52s and Lauper, Kressley uncomfortably acknowledged the long pause, reciting jokes from note cards to fill time and looking at backstage crew like, "WTF?!" – and that, the unrehearsed, no-note-card-needing awkwardness, cracked the most laughs.


Paying pavilion people (and non-smiling security) wouldn't agree the hustle-and-bustle of Lauper's request for lawn folks to scoot into the undersold seated area after they scarfed down their sandwiches was colorful. For them, it was probably downright shitty-ful. Still, props to her for bringing the people closer – even if they didn't have to fork over the 75 bucks.


With biting humor about her stint on "The View," which she compared to a "women's prison film," and beating Ann Coulter in Parade magazine's Most Annoying Celebrity poll, Rosie O'Donnell added humor to poignant recollections of her mom and her battle with depression. Nothing, though, was as touching as when she linked her son's "same, same, same" saying (he likened other chubby people to O'Donnell at a store) to uniting all races, sexes, orientations because, well, we're all the "same, same, same."


Despite their latest, "Funplex," just dropping in March, The B-52s' beats still time-warped us to the '80s, through their "Love Shack," and then treated us to the random corniness of their shimmying and swaying. And we couldn't help but follow in silly, otherworldly jiving – even if the lack of beehive hairdos made us want to hit a rewind switch.


Did you know you can vote in the presidential election online? Only in Lauper's world. Apparently, the political performer was looking to the future when she told fans at a recent True Colors stop that they can log online and pick a pres. And when the loud-mouthed comedian mimicked our sexy Aunt Cyndi's goof, not only was her stolen trademark accent a hoot, but the gaffe was – considering that the pop star pushed voting harder than she pushed her way through the crowd while singing – totally gut-busting.


She bopped (and bounced and beat the stage), and, even in-between classics like "Time After Time," newbies like way-gay "Into the Nightlight," and brief lighting outages, the girl who just wants to have fun spread the queer cheer. The tour's ringleader also proved as comedy-deft as Rosie O' Donnell, who – no joke! – played drums for Cyndi, when she introduced pro-masturbation "She Bop": "You can sing along – but nothing else."


It had to happen: The "We Are the World" moment, which rallied up the True Colors troops as they all – including Rosie – sang a line, or two, of Lauper's tour namesake. Preceding "True Colors," the performer mix crooned Sly & the Family Stone's "Everyday People." All the while, during the two-song encore, "Equality" illuminated on the backdrop, while primary-colored balloons bounced across the streams of people. Such an 'aww' moment.


If their expressions could talk, they'd be saying, "No one said this would be like Pride. I just came for The B-52s," as they sunk into their chairs during the peppy show – where practically everyone else thought they were at a queer club. Not necessarily cool for the non-gay guys, but for us? Oh yeah.


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