by Billy Masters
"Hey, if there's a gay rumor, you know you've made it." – Chace Crawford best illustrates the younger generation's feeling about sexuality. In other words, no one cares. Unless you're talking about JC.
Even though I summer on the East Coast, I'm still in touch with Billy Masters International in Beverly Hills. Mail is forwarded to me, faxes and e-mails make their way to me (eventually). And, every once in a while, I check my voice mail. Last week I got a message, which was a pre-recorded call waiting for my input: "If you wish to accept and pay for this call, press 0. To refuse this call, hang up." I was about to hit delete, when the message continued: "To block all inmate calls, press 7." Has it finally happened? Do I have a prison following? Have I arrived? And where do I sign up for my conjugal visits?
Andy Dick may soon be making these kind of calls, since he's joining the upcoming cast of the spin-off of "Celebrity Rehab" – "Sober Living." Isn't it sad? He didn't get on the hit – he's on the spin-off. That's like trying out for "Golden Girls" and getting "Golden Palace"! On the positive side, it's nice that there's now a way for marginally-talented people to not only get help but also further their career at the same time. But it begs the question – does Dick truly want to clean up his act, or is the one-two punch of avoiding jail time and getting back on primetime the motivation? Time will tell.
It seems every week we have a story about Mario Lopez – probably because we have lots of hot photos to share. And soon we'll be getting a little bit of Lopez every night. Starting Sept. 15, Mario will be the sole anchor on "Extra." Female co-host Dayna Devon has been demoted to a "special correspondent" (isn't this how "ET" edged out Dixie Watley?). And Mark McGrath claims to be leaving voluntarily to concentrate on the thriving career of his band, "Sugar Ray." Pity he missed the lucrative "Melody Tent" summer circuit.
With the good comes the bad – the bane of Mario's existence is writing a book. Dustin Diamond, who played "Screech" to Mario's "Slater" on "Saved By The Bell," is writing his memoirs – because leaking that sex tape of himself was SUCH a success! He promises to detail "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying." Please, God, let there be a chapter about Mark-Paul and Mario showering together.
I'm scheduled to be back in LA next week for the Rosie O'Donnell "Les Miz"…except Rosie won't be there. Apparently, her son Parker broke his wrist and she wants to remain home to care for him. OK, let's follow this – Parker is 13. What 13-year-old boy wants his mother hovering over him? He's got the cast. He's got another mother (three others, but that's another story). And there's in-house help. And, on top of that, he broke his wrist almost two weeks before the performances. Huh? Something smells rotten in Gay Paree! Especially in light of Ro's decision to suspend any posts on her blog for the remainder of the summer. Hmmm…
Maybe Ro's busy negotiating her return to television. You may recall years ago I told you Rosie was trying to get a variety show on the air – kinda like the old Jackie Gleason show. In fact, at the time, there was talk of actually filming it at Jackie's old studio in Miami. Those plans never came to fruition, but the idea is still floating around. In these days where variety is making a comeback, NBC has shown considerable interest (you'll recall MSNBC wanted Rosie for a nightly show last year). This new plan would have Ro's show in a Broadway house live on Sunday nights – just like Ed Sullivan. And, if NBC ain't interested, CBS has already jumped into the negotiations.
We're gonna slip in two "Ask Billy" questions this week. Roger in St. Louis asks: "Do you know anything about Jessie on 'Big Brother'? No guy can be that hot and not at least a little gay!"
"A little gay"? Is that like "a little pregnant"? For those of you not watching "Big Brother" (and that would include moi), Jessie is a hot bodybuilder who likes to walk around wearing as little clothing as possible. Some of his buddies on the outside say that Jessie is pretty cagey about his sexuality – which sounds to me like someone's a big ole homo. Of course, we can't prove it. It's not like we have pictures or anything…or do we? Prior to entering the house, Jessie did some homoerotic shots to show off his fantastic physique. And there's one nude of him on all fours which looks like it could be his Manhunt photo! Definitely worth a look-see at BillyMasters.com.
Next up is Kyle in Los Angeles who asks: "Can you figure out who the adorable dude was who ends up being Colin Firth's love interest at the end of 'Mamma Mia'? He looked familiar, like one of the Israeli models used by Kobe Israel."
He's not Israeli. He's hot Argentinean model/actor/sex god Juan Pablo di Pace, and he plays the non-speaking role of "Petros." Greek, Israeli, Argentine, whatever – he's dark and swarthy. And he looked familiar to me, too. I actually saw him in the West End production of "Chicago" (he was a member of the ensemble – eventually he played "Billy Flynn"). But that's not all. Back in 2001, Juan Pablo was in the chorus of the Royal Opera's production of "Rigoletto." He had a little showcase – at one point, the female courtiers onstage ripped his clothes off! Earlier this year, the Royal Opera was promoting a revival of "Rigoletto" and found a very sexy still of a completely naked Juan in the midst of the crowd. This photo was plastered all over billboards, buses, magazine ads, and Juan was irate – not that he was used in the promotion, but because he claimed that his "genitals were shrunken" (and I just thought it was cold that night in Covent Garden)! A friend of di Pace's said, "They airbrushed his penis. They made it look like he barely had one at all." That's some friend! It does beg the question, how does this friend know exactly the length and girth of Juan's appendage? Since we haven't seen the unedited photo, I wonder if he's really irate – or embarrassed! Either way, he's still hot. We'll run his brief footage from "Mamma Mia," along with the photo in question (and a few others) on BillyMasters.com.
When I can answer two questions, neither of which is from a prisoner, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Larry King recently did a show about Scott Peterson being on the web. Do you think he's the one calling me? Or maybe it's one of those Menendez brothers – hopefully the one with his own hair! While I do some investigating, you can check out www.BillyMasters.com – the most popular site in the big house. For those of you who don't have my phone number, you can e-mail me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before my genitals show up on the side of a bus! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
