Q: Last year at the end of summer, my partner "Will" and I bought a trailer and parked it at a gay campground, out of state. Actually, it was in the state that Will is from, so he knew the campground and assured me that I would like it there. We stayed in it only a week last year, as it was the end of the season. There weren't that many folks there at the time, so I didn't really get to meet many people.
We just got back from a week in our new trailer. It was the worst week of my life. Will's ex was at the campground. Will says he didn't know that his ex, "Jason," was going to be there. In fact, Jason was staying in the trailer which, I found out, had been the trailer that Jason and Will had when they were together (Jason owned it). Can you imagine my surprise! I knew nothing of this. Will told me that he had been at this campground before, but he left out the part that it was with Jason and that Jason was still there. Will says that he thought that Jason had sold the trailer and wasn't there anymore, so he didn't think that it was important to tell me. I guess he didn't think that any of the old timers there would mention it; how naive is that?!
Before I tell you what happened, let me tell you that Jason and Will had been together for seven years, and when I met Will, he was still hooked on Jason. Jason had been the one to call it quits with Will. Really, it was more like Jason was messing around with another guy at the campground, no less! (You'd think that this campground would hold too many bad memories for Will to have wanted to return.) And guess what? The other guy, "Stan," was still there, too! However, Stan and Jason weren't an item, anymore. This is the situation that I walked into, and had to glean pretty much all these facts for myself as Will was not forthcoming.
It was sort of early in the season and there were not that many people there, making Jason's presence really stand out. The fifth night that we were there, Stan decides to have this party – I didn't know Stan's part in all this at the time. I did know about Jason and was really upset with Will, but was trying to make the best of it even though I was NOT having a good time. When Will suggested we go to Stan's party, I figured why not; this was going to be our last night there, and I felt like I sure could use some fun. Up to this point, Jason and Will had not said much to each other – that I know of, anyway. Before the party, I decided to go into the little town about 12 miles from the campground to get a haircut. I shouldn't have left.
When I got into the town and was parking the truck, I realized that I had left my wallet at the trailer, so I had to go back to the campground. The short of it is: I found Will, Jason and Stan at Stan's place, having a threesome.
I thought that I could trust Will, even if I was angry with him for bringing me to this campground. We've been together for a year and I thought it was a good year. We don't live together and haven't made a "formal" commitment to each other, but I thought that we had an informal one. I sure haven't strayed, and I didn't expect it of Will. Will sticks to the "we didn't have an exclusive commitment" stance.
Now, I don't know if I can ever trust Will again, but I still love him and he says that he loves me. He should have told me how he saw our relationship, don't you think?
Deceived
A: Lots of red flags here. You need to carefully consider whether you want to continue with a relationship in which your partner would take you to a place like this and then have a threesome while you were off to get your hair cut, even without a formal commitment.
It sounds like you both had your assumptions about your relationship; unfortunately, assumptions that didn't match. Just guessing what the other person means by a relationship is setting yourself up for a disaster. This is where you and Will need to start a conversation about what you each want in your relationship to see if you can come to some kind of agreement. Also, I think you need to talk to Will about how an "omission" is often just a lie, such as: not telling you about the history of that campground.
