Decisions, decisions
Q:
I recently met a wonderful woman, "Karen." We met at a friend's party. For both of us it was love at first sight. I've never had this happen before. When I saw her I knew she was the one I wanted to spend my life with.
The party was on Friday night and we ended up spending the whole weekend together, and other than a few work-related phone calls, we totally focused on each other. It was like the best weekend I've ever had. She made me feel so loved and cherished. She seemed to know, before I did, what I wanted and needed.
When we met she was getting ready to go on a business trip to Hawaii. She asked me to go with her, so I arranged to get the time off work (my job is pretty flexible). Anyway, Hawaii was wonderful. Karen had to work some long days, but I spent my time on the beach relaxing, reading and soaking up the atmosphere. When we were together we went to wonderful restaurants that I could never have afforded. She bought me whatever caught my eye, and we spent a lot of time making love. It was a dream vacation.
On the way home we made the decision to move in together. My place was too small, so I moved in with her. Since we've gotten back, Karen has been really busy at work with a big project. She didn't have time to help me move so she hired a moving company to pack, move and unpack my stuff. I didn't have that much because I got rid of most of my furniture and household items, since hers is much nicer.
I've been living with Karen now for four months, but I don't see her much. She has long hours and, even at home, she has to work; she's on the computer or phone or texting. We really don't have much time to do things together, but when we do, it's just like when we first met; that is, she is loving and attentive. (I do get tired of the constant work-related interruptions but I know Karen can't help it.)
Karen has asked me to quit my job so I can be there when she's home. With her income I don't need to work, because I have more money than I have ever had in my life, and it's quite enough. My job is working with homeless people. I love my work and even though I don't make much money, I feel like what I do is important. Karen says that we could give a big donation to the organization that I work for and that would do as much – or more – for the homeless than my working there. She's probably right, because our agency now receives less in donations and funding.
My quandary is whether or not to give up my job. I want to be here for Karen and, like I said, the organization could certainly use the money, but I don't know whether I want to be home all day with nothing to do. Karen suggested volunteer work, as long as it was flexible, so I'd be home when she was off.
What should I do?
Could I Be A Kept Woman
A: Everything has happened very quickly for you and Karen. You both really haven't had much time to get to know each other. You are still in the honeymoon stage. You complain a lot about her lack of time for your relationship with her. You seem to be aware of the importance of her job, and how it takes precedence in her life, but you can't understand, at this time, how it will feel in the long run.
For now, I suggest you don't burn any bridges and continue to work. You need to consider how you would feel – over a longer period of time – about giving up the work that you love, being financially dependent on Karen, and living with someone who has little time for a relationship.
As I said, this has all happened so fast. Take time to focus on your career and what you want out of life before you make any big changes.
