By Amy Lynn Smith
Zack Ismail, left, and Ken Siver, right.
Ken Siver and Zack Ismail's eyes met across a crowded dance floor 18 years ago.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
The date was Aug. 16, 1998. The place: Backstreet Nightclub in Detroit. Ismail, who is now a 42-year-old nurse anesthetist, says it was only his second time going to a gay bar. "I was trying to figure myself out," he says.
Siver, the 70-year-old mayor of Southfield, says that for him, it was love at first sight. "I walked up to him and we've been together ever since," he says.
Ismail admits he felt the instant connection, too. It's clear in the way they finish each other's sentences and echo each other's thoughts.
"We just click," they say, almost in unison.
They've never seen their age difference as a barrier. In fact, that's just one of many things on which they agree.
"Zack wasn't interested in anyone his own age," Siver says. "He was looking for someone more mature."
"He's young at heart," Ismail adds about Siver.
In some ways, they thrive on their differences, believing it's important to maintain their individual interests. For example, Siver admits he's not great with technology but Ismail is a whiz. Ismail doesn't prioritize community activism and politics the way Siver does, although he supports his efforts.
The common thread, however, is shared values.
"That's the basic connection," Siver explains. "We both always try to do right by everyone, to be helpful and positive."
Something else they share is a sense of humor.
"With a relationship, you have to laugh every day," Ismail says. "We're very good at that."
After their many years together, Siver and Ismail were among the 300 same-sex couples who were married on March 22, 2014, the one-day window when same-sex couples were legally able to marry in Michigan after U.S. District Judge Bernard Friedman struck down the state's prohibition on gay marriage.
Siver says he fully expected Attorney General Bill Schuette to close the window — a move that was later overturned by the U.S. Supreme Court ruling in 2015 legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide. Still, the couple wanted to be part of the historic day.
The night before, Ismail had already gone to bed when Siver saw that county clerks, including Oakland County Clerk Lisa Brown, would be open on that Saturday so couples could start getting married.
"I downloaded the marriage application, planning to talk to Zack about it in the morning," Siver remembers. "Then I slept in."
"I'm an early bird, so I woke him up and said, 'Let's go to Pontiac and get married,'" Ismail says.
The couple joined the festive line of couples at the Oakland County Courthouse waiting to be married by Brown. The demand was so high that Brown began performing group ceremonies, which is when Siver and Ismail decided to ask their friend Dave Coulter, mayor of Ferndale, to marry them instead.
"We are so appreciative of Lisa Brown's pro-marriage equality stance and everything she did," Siver says. "But we were very happy to be the first couple married at Affirmations in Ferndale, with state Rep. Jeremy Moss as one of the witnesses."
It was a beautiful day, Ismail adds. "I didn't know I could be so emotional," he says. "When Dave said, 'I pronounce you husband and husband,' I thought, 'This is actually happening!'"
The couple wasn't surprised when the one-day window closed, and waited patiently for the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling. In the meantime, they were grateful to be among the first couples to have the right to marry in Michigan.
"We were part of history," Siver says. "I think what was most memorable for me was standing in line at the Oakland County Courthouse. A lot of gay people have wonderful spirit, to counteract all the negativity and hate. That was a joyous day."
Ismail adds that it was in that line that he discovered some of his co-workers are gay. "We share a wedding date," he says. "It makes our friendship that much better."
Now that marriage equality is settled once and for all, Siver and Ismail believe the future is bright for LGBT equality in all areas of life.
"The train is barreling down the tracks — not just in Michigan, but all over the country and around the world, toward full equality for gay people," Siver says. "Look at someone like (Republican Oakland County Executive) L. Brooks Patterson. He's said he supports marriage equality and the addition of LGBT people to the Elliott-Larsen Civil Rights Act."
With hearts full of optimism for the future, the couple still remembers their first meeting like it was yesterday.
"He was at one end of the dance floor and I was at the other and we met in the middle," Ismail says. "And here we are."
"I would wish this on anyone," Siver adds. "Zack is my great love."
