"I'm very honoured to have the tag of gay icon. Maybe it's things like I like to look after myself, I like to look smart and presentable most of the time" – David Beckham thinks he looks smart. Little does he know, gay men couldn't care less about his IQ. Of course, we realize Davey means "smart" in the British way – meaning he looks well-put together. If you ask me, the less he wears, the "smarter" he looks!
Since his 2004 stroke, I've been obsessed with Dick Clark and his "New Year's Rockin' Eve." I have spent the first new column of each year describing how he appears to be less life-like than those animatronic characters at Disneyland. This year, Dick's speech was as unintelligible as ever – in fact, I only caught every third word. But, for the first time in three years, both arms actually moved! When Ryan Seacrest went to greet him, Clark clasped his hands together. I had to watch this clip over and over to determine if any wires or stagehands were assisting him, but he appeared to be unaided. Dick still looked spooked when Mrs. Clark ran over to embrace him after the ball dropped. Say what you will, he made it through another year – even if I still think all of his clips were pre-taped long before they aired.
Brandy ended 2007 with some good news. It was determined that she will not be charged for murdering that woman. Much like when Matthew Broderick killed a woman while driving in Ireland, this will be termed an "accident." But someone is still dead…
While we're talking about death, we lost a couple of luminaries over the holidays. First, a trailblazer and gay icon – comedienne Pudgy has passed away. The Chicago native, known as the "Queen of the Tease," had been hosting "X Burlesque" at the Flamingo in Las Vegas for the past year. On Christmas Eve, she did two shows, went home, turned on the TV, sat down on her living room chair, and died. A longtime friend to our community, she was a combination Ann Curio and Totie Fields (look 'em up). For a glimpse at her genius, check out her fabulous Showtime special from the Queen Mary. You'll never look at Bruce Penhall the same way again.
The second death we should mention is Jeanne Carmen. Marilyn Monroe's best friend (and a pin-up in her own right) died at her Orange County home. Brandy was nowhere near the scene.
Two celebrity divorces were announced – one surprising, one less so (you figure out which is which). Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn will end their 11-year marriage. And Brendan Fraser and the former Afton Smith will terminate their nine-year agreement. I believe she'll get custody of his hair (facial and otherwise).
Michael Jackson had some trauma over the holidays. While "playing" with his son, he was accidentally hit in the face and his nose fell off. OK, that's not really what happened, but it might explain the hole just below his eyes. Actually, he was hit in the mouth and reportedly his upper lip collapsed. Same difference. Where's Chris Hanson when you need him?
The always-fascinating Michael Lucas found his way back in the mainstream press by offering to put Spencer Pratt in a gay porn. I'm still not quite sure who Spencer actually is, but he's got a hot little body and frosted hair – certainly giving him the appearance of a power bottom (which I mean as a compliment). Lucas states, "He was born to be in a gay-porn blockbuster. Lucas Entertainment would do anything to be able to center our next major all-male production on Spencer Pratt." How did Spence respond? "I think I will have to turn down this offer." Yeah, 'cause giving it away has worked so well for you!
While I was doing some Christmas shopping at K-Mart, I found time to read every tabloid on the stands. One of them had photos of Cher and her daughter Chastity outside a West Hollywood restaurant, where Chastity ate what was termed as a "hearty breakfast." That's a nice way of saying the big girl in flannel ordered the lumberjack breakfast! Reportedly, we'll all get to see the twosome in action when they return to the tube in a new show – "Coming Out With Cher and Chas." Allegedly, the show will help gay youths tell their parents that they're gay – in a gentle and gradual way. If you're a parent and you see Cher and Chastity walking toward your door, I think you have a pretty good idea what's coming next.
Chad Allen will be returning to the stage – and by all accounts, he'll be naked! Pack your teeny cameras and head to Hartford, Conn. on Jan. 25 through March 9 where Chad will star in the play "The Little Dog Laughed" at TheatreWorks. This is the same play that brought us Johnny Galecki's rather impressive appendage – and Tom Everett Scott's backside. Chad will play the role of a big movie star (the part Tom played) who is closeted and dating a male escort (the part Galecki played). I got excited when I read that the guy playing the escort is named "Jeremy Jordan." Alas, it's not the former pop-singer/actor named Jeremy Jordan who appeared as the object of Drew Barrymore's affection in "Never Been Kissed." Nor is it the prolific former gay porn actor also named Jeremy Jordan. This is a THIRD Jeremy – a very cute brunette (we'll post pics) who is described in the press release as a "newcomer," by way of the Ithaca College class of 2007. A fun play, a cute cast, and nudity. Of course, it's not like we haven't seen Chad nude before – we'll remind you on BillyMasters.com.
In other theatre news, we hear that a 30th anniversary national tour of "Ain't Misbehavin'" will commence later this year and will star the powerhouse duo of Frenchie Davis and Ruben Studdard. Theatre owners around the country are reinforcing their stages as we speak.
For our first "Ask Billy" question of the New Year, Gordon in Dallas wants us to tie up some loose ends, "Who is the hottie who won the Armani underwear model competition? He looks so familiar."
That would be little Ryan Barry, the current paramour of Reichen Lehmkuhl. To be specific, he won the "A/X Underwear Model Search." By the by, we hear that "someone" took out ads for him on TMZ and other Web sites that allowed for easy online voting – hmm, wonder who that could be? We'll show you every inch of him on http://BillyMasters.com. Ryan also graces the cover of the "Travel Issue '08" of Aussie queer publication "DNA," and we'll post those revealing shots as well.
When Reichen isn't the one posing in his underwear, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Actually, La Lehmkuhl has been showing off his better side sans undies on "Dante's Cove" – and we'll post those photos. That made me think – what is it like for Reichen, who was often the eye-candy in his relationships, to be dating someone being called "the pretty one"? I've always said it's nice to be average-looking because then you've got options – you could get better-looking, or you could turn into a dog. If you're really hot, there's only way to go…down. And I've known my share of hot guys who go down! For more words of wisdom, check out http://www.BillyMasters.com. For your more pressing needs, feel free to write me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Dick Clark gets a job in Disney's "Hall of Presidents"! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
