"Marilyn Monroe was Anna's idol. But I bet you if the two of them lived during the same time period and they met, Marilyn would be flocking toward Anna, not the other way around. And that's no disrespect to Marilyn. It's just that Anna was that special." – Howard K. Stern shares his thoughts during his eulogy of Anna Nicole Smith. I believe this statement alone could be ground for having him committed – unless they can find a judge who confuses "Some Like It Hot" with "Naked Gun 33 1/3"!
I admit it – I went out and bought the "National Enquirer" to see the post-autopsy photos of Anna Nicole Smith. Inside the rag, it's stated that the "photos" are actually an "artist's re-enactment" of what Anna looked like based on eye-witness testimony. However, I have it on good authority that the photos are REAL! Allegedly, someone in the coroner's office snuck in a photographer to snap some quick pictures on the provision that they would be doctored to look like an "artist's re-enactment." Why? Very few people had access to Anna Nicole's body, and the source (who was VERY well paid) did not want to be revealed.
By the way, we have uncovered a gay angle to Dannielynn paternity case. Jonathon Trent is one of the stars of the upcoming flick "Boy Culture." The role has been described to me as "Joey – a seventeen year old gay male. Very queeny and slutty." Since Jonathon is straight, he decided to do some research for the role. How? By cruising some M4M chat rooms, naturally. One of the people who allegedly approached him was Prince Fredric, Zsa Zsa's hubby and self-proclaimed lover of the ladies! According to my source, Princey thought Johnny was a hooker and attempted to set up an assignation with him in the parking lot of a WeHo grocery store. See? Romance is still alive and well in West Hollywood!
"Boy Culture" opens on March 23, so you'll be able to see what Freddie was willing to pay for!
I thought I was the only one watching "Grease Is The Word," until I got a flurry of e-mails from fans panting over Austin Miller's latest low-cut top (maybe low, maybe cut, but hardly a top). The pretty boy's sexuality has been routinely called into question by the other contestants. Most recently, Max called Austin "too 'Showgirls'-ish'." Ouch! It's bad enough to be called feminine, but to be compared to Elizabeth Berkley is below the belt. You may have noticed that judge/director Kathleen Marshall has been the lone champion for Austin each week and seems hell-bent on labeling him a hetero sex symbol. I thought this might be because a good director would want to cast the guy who has already proven himself on Broadway and can handle an eight-shows-a-week schedule. But it's been rumored that Miss Marshall is close friends with Austin's, eh-hem, "roommate" and has all but promised Miller the role. BTW, I'm told Marshall has tapped Allie as the female lead, which would explain why she saved her from elimination this past week.
Hell must have frozen over, because there was Star Jones back on "The View." Actually, she was a "Hot Topic." Rosie O'Donnell announced that Jones is going back to her roots. The legal eagle will have a live daytime talk show on Court TV starting this fall which will focus on legal issues in pop culture. The gals on "The View" flashed a recent photo of a virtually unrecognizable Starlet, as she was known when she began her television career on Court TV way back in 1991. Joy quipped, "Star Jones has finally become a skinny bitch!" If you can't wait till the fall, I'm told that Star will turn up on "Law & Order: SVU" during May sweeps playing, what else? A lawyer!
Also turning up on "L&O: SVU" during sweeps will be our other Court TV friend, Nancy Grace – who, you know, was once a victim of a violent crime.
Kimberley Locke was the latest guest host on "The View." The "American Idol" cast-off has lost a significant amount of weight while participating in "Celebrity Fit Club." And what do you do when you lose weight? You show up at events in a bikini, which is how Kimmie appeared in a recent concert. We'll post the photo on BillyMasters.com. You won't believe it.
Speaking of "American Idol" gals in skimpy attire, ousted-contestant Antonella Barba has been offered $250,000 to serve as a "celebrity host" for a "Girls Gone Wild" video. Of course, that offer came through after topless photos of the singer appeared on the internet, but BEFORE Antonella was cut from "AI." Like "Deal or No Deal," the amount may have gone down. So, Antonella…deal or no deal?
A reality star who is using his fifteen minutes of fame to raise money for a good cause is "Amazing Race" winner Chip Arndt. Chip has embarked on a campaign he calls "Chip's Personal Response to AIDS Across America" – or "CPR to AAA" for short. His goal is to raise $100,000 by the end of the year for nine HIV/AIDS service organizations in Florida, D.C. and New York. To help Arndt reach his goal, you can make a donation by going to www.myspace.com and searching for Chip Arndt. Or you can go to my Web site and follow the link.
Songbird Lance Bass is coming into some money. He's just signed a deal to write his memoirs, tentatively titled "Out Of Sync." I can hardly wait for the chapter where JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake sexually assault Lance by forcibly orally servicing him!
This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Kendall in Seattle who writes: "Everyone is talking about that kid from 'Harry Potter' appearing nude in 'Equus' [in London's West End]. I've seen some naked photos of him, but they look like fakes. Have any real ones turned up?"
Not yet. There are many shirtless photos of young Daniel Radcliffe that were taken by the publicity department of "Equus" which show the actor looking eerily like a young k.d. lang. There is a very poor fake nude photo of him leaning against a horse which has been widely circulated. But the only legit nude shot that has surfaced can be found on BillyMasters.com. It's blurry and faint, but you can see "the goods." When more "documentation" becomes available, we'll have it first.
Could it be that a certain small screen boytoy has been fulfilling some of his sexual fantasies? I'm told that, in the spirit of his famous moniker, he enjoys having two sex partners at a time – most usually a male and a female (although occasionally two members of the same sex). Often these trysts are arranged for him by his famous singing sidekick. When asked which sex he prefers, our lad dances around the subject – one of his many hidden talents. Given his extreme youth (he's barely legal), there's no need to make any rash decisions.
When a buncha boys are having their sexiest year, it's definitely time to end yet another column. How would you like to be a part of the exciting world of Billy Masters? Due to the relocation of one of our longtime proofreaders, we are in need of grammatical guy (or gals, for that matter) who is also a stickler for spelling. If you think you've got what it takes, check out www.billymasters.com for more details on how to join the team. To touch base with me personally, you can send an e-mail to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Star Jones promotes her show on "The View"! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.