by Jessica Carreras
Mitchell Gold knows what you should give for Christmas this year. It's not fancy or shiny, but it will give whoever needs it something that will last the rest of their life: the understanding of what it's like to be a gay teen.
"I really am trying to push people to buy the book and to give it as a gift," says Gold of his new book, "Crisis: 40 stories revealing the personal, social and religious pain and trauma of growing up gay in America." "To give it, for example, to the minister at the church they grew up in. To give it to the rabbi in the synagogue they grew up in. To give it to their parents or their parents friends. And the trick is to ask that person to give you the gift of reading this book for them. …The more people we can get this in the hands of, I really do believe it'll be transformative."
Though Gold is the co-founder of a furniture company by trade, helping gay teens is his passion. And it was because of the very types of stories that make up "Crisis" that he decided to put the book together. In the pages of "Crisis" are a myriad of coming out stories, from the 1950s to today, from such people as Major League Baseball player Billy Bean, former governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey and several Point Foundation Scholars. All essays, whether focused on religious, familial or social troubles, tell the same tale: one of ridicule, of self-hatred, of living in fear and of trying to change. "When a gay kid realizes, discovers that they're gay, for five, ten – however many years it is after that – they are in a horrible crisis," he explains. "They feel isolated. They feel suicidal. There's all kinds of things and I don't want one more kid to go through it."
But Gold's advocacy work goes back to when he began Faith In America, a group dedicated to ending religious-based prejudice toward the gay community. The organization aims to eliminate the idea of homosexuality as sin, thus helping LGBT people to become more accepted by their churches, synagogues and mosques.
In "Crisis," Gold tells his own story of religious rejection and self-loathing, growing up in 1960s suburban New Jersey. The decision to include his own story, he says, was an easy one. "I think it's kind of like putting your money where your mouth is or walking the walk," he explains. "I knew it was hard for me to really dig and share with people my personal story because it's painful (and) it, in some way, exposes my vulnerability or weakness at that time, and I felt that in order for me to get other people to do it I would really have to put myself out first."
In many of the stories, "Crisis" deals with many of the same religious issues that Gold grappled with. Though not intentional, Gold believes that religion and homophobia are so intertwined that the inclusion was inevitable. "The number one reason why people are anti-gay is because of their religious beliefs," Gold asserts. "I mean how many times has it been something else? It's almost always that. So that just is the natural theme around it. … . I feel that in business, one of the things you do when you have a problem is you get to the root of the problem and you try to take care of the root of the problem. This is the root of the problem."
As such, Gold is currently traveling throughout the U.S. to political battle ground states to urge people to read the book and educate them about the pain their anti-gay attitudes and actions cause. Recently, he made a visit to Affirmations in Ferndale to do just that, speaking with gay teens, community members and friends about the importance of stories like the ones in "Crisis" reaching the ears of people who may be unsupportive, but whose minds can be changed – especially in time for the upcoming election. "It's particularly important that we get the word out to that movable religious middle," he stresses. "It's important that these folks know the harm that's being caused by the anti-gay folks out there. If we can get them to understand it, and when people go out and vote for a candidate that says they're for family values, to really make sure that it's somebody who does, in fact, hold our family values true."
The reactions of those he has talked to, he says, are very encouraging. "We've done focus groups with people who considered themselves good Christians and were very unaccepting of gays and we've seen the way this has changed them," he says of the book. "I really believe that people for the most part are good and don't know the harm their causing. If we can educate them to that, it really makes a change."
Still, he says there's a long way to go.
Though many argue that gay teens of today have it so much easier, Gold wants to dispel that myth. Even though it is easier for them to come out, the pressure and homophobia is long from gone. "One of the things I want to make sure of in the book is that I've dispelled the myth to gay leaders and straight people who think that everything is better now because 'Will and Grace' is on TV," he says. "It's not. There's really an enormous amount of pain going on today."
Besides churches and schools, Gold believes that a substantial amount of the burden is on parents. Indeed, in many of the stories, parents come up as either the supporters who save lives or the rejecters of homosexuality who hurt their children deeply. Thus, reaching out to parents of gay and straight kids alike, Gold says, is crucial. "A big part of this book is to be a parenting book," he elaborates. "And it's to be a parenting book for parents to fully embrace understand that their child happens to be gay, but it's also a parenting book regardless of whether their kids are gay or not, to teach them about sexual orientation and teach their kids to be accepting of it."
The book also shows parents the consequences of rejecting or not attempting to understand their child. One of the last sections, "What I know now: On losing a child," includes the stories of Mary Lou Wallner and Elke Kennedy, who lost their children to suicide and a hate crime, respectively. Though the stories of the teens are compelling, Gold believes that parents will especially be moved by that section – and that hopefully their newfound understanding will help them to change and become active supporters of gay teens. "I feel like if a parent is reading this book and if they just read 20 stories that showed them a window into a teen's life, that's one thing," Gold says. "But to also allow themselves to be put in the position of these parents who lost their kids because they weren't sensitive and accepting, then maybe that could make a stronger impact."
And when parents, schools and religious institutions alike are all accepting, says Gold, who knows how happy the future could be. "My dream day would be a kid realizing one day that he really likes Joe instead of Sally and he says to his friend "I like Joe instead of Sally" and his friend says "Oh, that's cool" and they just move on about their day," he describes. "That it not be this big deal about coming out."
