By Romeo San Vicente
Hugh Jackman’s chin is going to …
An upcoming sketch comedy film – in the vein of vintage ’70s classics like “Kentucky Fried Movie” – featuring 17 directors each helming their own funny short movie, is going where no one has gone before: to a world where Hugh Jackman’s chin is made of testicles. In the short from Peter and Bobby Farrelly (“There’s Something About Mary”), Jackman will star as the man whose chin is not like the others and Kate Winslet will appear as his date for an evening. And while technically there’s nothing gay about that idea, it’s happening to Hugh Jackman and, therefore, everything is gay about it. Who else is along for the ride? Directors like Brett Ratner and stars like Gerard Butler, Elizabeth Banks, Naomi Watts, Liev Schreiber, Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, Kieran Culkin, Justin Long, Sam Rockwell and Patrick Warburton. And at this time, there is no news as to who else might find themselves burdened with genitalia in the wrong place.
Diane Lane living out Loud
When you want a foxy mom in your movie, you call Diane Lane. Women want to be her. Other women just want her. So while there’s only one gay male character in the upcoming docudrama about the Loud family, suddenly there’s a reason for lesbians with good taste to tune in. Lane will play Pat Loud in “Cinema Verite,” the HBO movie about Santa Barbara’s most famous family, the Louds, who starred in “An American Family,” the very first “reality series” back in 1973. The Louds, parents Bill and Pat and their five children, dealt with a real-time divorce and the coming out of son Lance, all for a national audience at a time when that sort of thing just wasn’t done in public. This is the first casting news, and with Lane on board finding big-name talent eager to show up for the shoot shouldn’t be an issue. But could we just vote that they don’t cast Justin Bieber as Lance? Sure, the hair is fine, but he’s just not tall enough.
A new bunch of ‘Runaways’
Just so you can keep this straight in your head, there was already a movie this year called “The Runaways” that featured a lesbian. But Joan Jett is not involved with a new project that for now is also called “The Runaways.” That’s the job of Marvel Comics, since it’s based on one of their titles. These particular runaways are a band of misfit teenagers – one alien, one witch, one mutant Hulk(ish) kid, one with telepathic talents, one supergenius and one mad scientist – who discover that their parents are supervillains. The alien teen also turns out to be a lesbian who becomes involved with a male alien who conveniently shape-shifts so that he can love her as a woman. Now “that” is a considerate boyfriend who puts his lady’s needs above his own. There’s not a cast yet, no release date, no nothing. Just a promise that this one will probably make a lot more money than its recent namesake.
Harold and Kumar sit on Santa’s lap
“A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas.” Yes, you read that correctly. It’s happening. And if you’re not happy to hear that news then that’s because you a) failed to watch the first two films, or b) saw them and thought they were juvenile and irresponsibly obsessed with smoking pot, or c) you’re a grown up who forgot how to have fun, which is basically the same thing as choice “b.” In spite of star Kal Penn’s new job with the Obama administration as arts liaison to Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities, both he and John Cho are on board for a film that’s set to be released this November. There’s no plot yet, but it’s sure to involve getting high at Christmas, something a lot of people already do, so it’s not like there’ll be too much liberty-taking with the true spirit of the holiday. And best of all? It’s not a “Harold & Kumar” movie without Neil Patrick Harris as the obnoxiously heterosexual version of himself. So yeah, Romeo can’t wait.