By Romeo San Vicente
Smithers gets his close-up
"The Simpsons," the gayest thing on TV – you thought it was "Will & Grace"? how cute – may be on track toward a big-screen treatment. It's taken Matt Groening and associates 15 long years to get around to it – no one blames them, really, since their time was occupied making the funniest show on the air. Even now, all signs point to this being an incredibly early moment in the film's development. Still, it appears as if the Homer and Marge barge is, indeed, finally moving. A script is in the works, with as many as seven of the show's writers, as well as Groening and producer James L. Brooks, lending a hand. If all goes well, audiences may have something to line up for by 2006. Romeo just hopes it doesn't take another 15 years.
He yam what he yam
A certain forearm-heavy sailorman is heading back to television, only this time Oscar winner Kathy Bates will lend her voice to the act. The animated special "Popeye's Voyage: The Quest for Pappy," due to air on Fox later in the year, will feature "Six Feet Under"'s Bates taking on the role of the Sea Hag, one of the spinach-fixated bachelor's enemies. Paul Reiser co-wrote the script, "Ren and Stimpy"'s Billy West will voice Popeye, and Devo's Mark Mothersbaugh is busy updating the classic theme song. Why Popeye again? It's all part of the anniversary of the seafaring lug's 75 years in the comics, during which he's never quite gotten around to marrying Olive Oyl, and instead keeps choosing to foster a love-hate relationship with butch buddy Brutus. Romeo's not saying any of this sounds gay, mind you, but…
Far from Dylan?
You never know what director Todd Haynes will do. He re-imagined '50s sci-fi as AIDS metaphor in "Poison," allergies as suburban claustrophobia in "Safe," and Douglas Sirk melodramas as queer in "Far from Heaven." Now Haynes will explore the life of a folk-music iconoclast Bob Dylan in "I'm Not There: Suppositions on a Film Concerning Dylan." That mouthful of a working title is in script stage for now, with Paramount on board to produce, along with Haynes' longtime producer Christine Vachon. And the casting? Rumors abound that Dylan will be played by several actors, including a woman and an African-American child. But remember, this is a man who cast a Barbie doll as Karen Carpenter to heart-wrenchingly dramatic effect in his first film, "Superstar." He's to be trusted.
Paris and Nicole: Part 2
Thank goodness Fox knows what Romeo wants to see. The network has convinced Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie to head back into the heartland for another season of "The Simple Life." And this time, they're not going to be stuck in just one little boring town. They're going to drive an RV from one little boring town to another, wreaking havoc on rural America with each passing mile. If the girls are on their game, then Nicole (the one most likely to be bad) will do her duty for the gay community by continuing to practice her favorite hobby: taunting straighter-than-straight males with her cleavage and making them kiss each other for her own amusement. It can't air soon enough.
