Who Needs Horror Movies? Jim Jordan Could Be a Couple Heartbeats Away From the Presidency

Former President Donald Trump and Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan. Photo: Facebook (Jim Jordan)

Published: October 16, 2023 | Last Updated: October 16, 2023

Round and round and round they go, will Republicans choose a House speaker? Who the hell knows!

I think it’s safe to say that most Americans would not be able to tell you the name of the speaker in the U.S. House. Or maybe what a “speaker of the House” even is.

So, the speaker is the presiding officer of the U.S. House of Representatives. The speaker is basically the boss of the majority party in the House. If your eyes are glazing over, stay with me. It’s important to remember that the House speaker is second in the presidential line of succession after the vice president. So, you know, it probably should be someone who has a fucking clue. Just to be safe.

Unfortunately, Republicans currently have (a very slim) House majority. And they don’t have a speaker right now because they cannot get their shit together. The party’s most right-wing extreme members kicked former speaker Kevin McCarthy out of the role for, checks notes, working with Democrats to get shit done. Literally, what the majority of Americans say they want — bipartisanship — is a bridge too far for these folks.

Republicans can’t seem to find someone who the extremist members of their party and the, let’s be real, slightly less extremist members can agree on. Leaving the House a headless chicken, if you will.

Who would have thought that the party running on the line that the government is incompetent would be completely incompetent at governing?

At the time of this writing, Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio holds first place in this race to the bottom. And guess what? Rep. Jordan is absolutely terrible.

There are many reasons, but one of the most prominent ones is that he is accused of ignoring sexual abuse by the Ohio State wrestling team’s doctor, Richard Strauss, while Jordan was an assistant coach from 1986 to 1994. In case you were ever wondering why Jordan is sometimes referred to as “Gym Jordan” by detractors.

Jordan claims he had no idea about the abuse, but several former wrestlers say otherwise. Some are speaking out against the possibility of Jordan becoming House speaker. For example, Mike Schyck told Newsweek, "Do you really want a guy in that job who chose not to stand up for his guys? Is that the kind of character trait you want for a House Speaker?”

Uh, no. But ignoring sexual abuse or even celebrating it (“Grab ‘em by the pussy,” amirite?) seems to be a hallmark of the GOP these days.

Another reason Jordan sucks is that he is blatantly, proudly anti-LGBTQ+. In fact, he’s got a very long rap sheet.

In 2022, Jordan voted against the Respect for Marriage Act, which would codify equality for LGBT and interracial couples should the Supreme Court strike down the cases that legalized each. A distinct possibility considering the swift evisceration of Roe v. Wade by the Court’s conservative majority. Jordan called the RMA the latest Democratic attempt to “delegitimize and attempt to intimidate the United States Supreme Court.”

In 2015, right before the Supreme Court issued a ruling in favor of marriage equality, Jordan urged people to “speak out” against it.

“You have to speak out,” he said. "Our focus is to speak out and to speak the truth and say, look, marriage should be what it's always been, that served western culture well and frankly, there's nothing wrong with government affirming the ideal and the ideal for bringing up the next generation of children is a mom and a dad and we should be in favor of that for goodness sake.”

In 2021, Jordan opposed the Equality Act, which would expand anti-discrimination protections for LGBTQ+ people.

According to Cleveland.com, Jordan said that the “makes how a person identifies more important than equality, makes it more important than fairness, makes it more important than fundamental liberties like your right to practice your faith the way you think the good Lord wants you to.”

We all know how the good Lord loves discrimination against LGBTQ+ people and how the holiest of sacraments is to refuse to bake a cake for a lesbian wedding.

In 2019, Jordan introduced a bill to keep LGBTQ+ marriages from being recognized in Washington, D.C. He’s also a big fan of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

So, yeah, having Jordan a couple heartbeats away from the presidency is pretty scary.

But if Jordan can’t get the votes to be speaker, it could easily be someone worse. The chances of it being someone better are slim to none.