Janet Jackson might've bailed on us when she rescheduled her Saturday gig for Oct. 28, but that semi-sexy (and really, really uncomfortable) feeling we've come to expect from her soft-core musical porn was satisfied by … Robin Thicke? The falsetto-wielding soul man masturbated his mic, cooing cringe-worthy lines like, "You've been a bad girl. Someone's gonna have to teach you a lesson," during his opening set for Mary J. Blige, one of two divas who performed over the weekend. Between her self-help banter, and seeing Celine on Friday, I was part of two shows where I was merely a subatomic fleck among a crowd so estrogen-heavy I was worried I'd be subconsciously converted. It didn't happen (phew!) – but here's what did:
MARY J. BLIGE
Sept. 28 at DTE Energy Music Theatre
YAY: She worked the stage like she was doing her morning aerobic routine, and her entourage – which included a five-piece band, three-piece horn section, eight-piece string section and three backup singers -was on fire. Speaking of which, there was a lot of that, too. With so many pyrotechnics, I had to remind myself that July already passed.
NAY: Random images of outer space floating on the video screen – uh, why?
WTF?: Oh, Mary! It would've been off-the-hook to hear the Queen of Hip-Hop Soul go rock on either U2's "One," which she so splendidly covered on her "Breakthrough" album, or the heartfelt, synthy "Come to Me (Peace)" – the best track off her latest, "Growing Pains."
FAVORITE FAN: This darling white-haired lady – probably close to 80 – cheered in the front row (and tried to touch Robin Thicke's junk during his dirty slow jam). Go grandma!
SET-LIST: She began like she was pressed to make an after-show nail appointment, cramming numerous hit snippets into 15 minutes, but then comfortably sucked us in with aw-worthy "I Found My Everything," "Not Gon' Cry" and "No More Drama," where had I been anymore on the edge of my seat, I would've fallen into the dude in front of me.
CHATTER: Mary J. would make a damn good therapist. Having dodged bullets herself (probably quite literally), she used the stage to, yes, deliver soul-stirring songs, but also to dish self-help advice. Sure beats Dr. Phil.
CELINE DION
Sept. 26 at the Palace of Auburn Hills
YAY: Apparently what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas. She proved that by bringing a little bit of that glitzy oomph on this tour (her first since leaving Las Vegas, where she performed for five years at her own coliseum), which was complete with a fancy-schmancy in-the-round stage (and mmm-mmm-good dancers!). But the number one reason you go to a Celine show? That voice; the one that's a weapon of mass destruction, crushing everything in its path.
NAY: From overusing lines on this tour ("Tonight we're going to make up for lost time," she promised – which has been quoted in several show reviews) to her grand "All by Myself" finish with a looooong note that she knew would earn her a standing ovation, everything about her performance felt as canned as soup.
WTF?: It was listed as one of the tour's set-list songs in the spiffy program (which, by the way, cost 35 bucks – the equivalent of 35 tips at a strip club), but "Ziggy," the popular-in-France ballad about Celine's obsession with a gay man, was (very sadly) not performed. The least she could've done was some extra chest pounding. :(
FAVORITE FAN (?): "I hate this song," the chick in back of me hissed when clips of Rose and Jack preluded "My Heart Will Go On" (hey, I got chills!).
SET-LIST: Opening with Cyndi Lauper's "I Drove All Night," her two-hour show of mostly romantic balladry ran through decades of hits, including riveting "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" and "To Love You More," plus dance-prompting "Love Can Move Mountains."
CHATTER: She! Was! So! Excited! With Goofy-like facial expressions and hand maneuvers that made her look like she was having a spasm, she was as wound up as a kid who didn't take his Ritalin.
