Billy Masters
"One of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years happens to be gay, and I love her dearly. She is not my 'gay friend.' She is one of my best friends, who happens to have made a choice that isn't a choice I would have made. But I am not going to judge people." – Sarah Palin gives her views on homosexuality. See? She is pro-choice.
When I toured in "Making Porn," there was one scene where I had to get out of bed naked and get dressed. Everyone who played this part did it differently. There were people like my darling Dan Renzi who got up in all his luscious nakedness, stretched, watered a plant, did a cartwheel, anything to delay finally putting on his underwear. Me? I sat up on the bed, pivoted, put my feet on the ground into my waiting boxer-briefs, and stood up while simultaneously pulling them on. That was it. Blink and you missed it. Why? Because onstage, my penis simply disappears. I think it ended up somewhere by my spleen, and no amount of onstage fluffing by Kyle Bradford would help (trust me, he tried). I was there to entertain, not be sexy. Sorry.
I was reminded of this little footnote in my theatrical oeuvre because last week, Daniel Radcliffe enjoyed critical acclaim after opening in "Equus" on Broadway. Alas, his penis is garnering less glowing notices. When describing some nudes snaps that have been leaked to us, which can be found on http://www.BillyMasters.com, I referred to his private parts as "all potatoes and no meat." But as I reflect back on my own theatrical nudity, I'm willing to cut him a bit of slack…not that he has much to spare!
What's more fascinating is Danny's obsession with a certain hunky male cast member. When asked about sexy Lorenzo Pisoni, Radcliffe said, "I've written really, really deeply sexual things on the card I gave him on opening night. He's truly a remarkable man. And if I was gay or female, I would really go for him. He's gorgeous." Since we've got some sizzling shots of Lorenzo, we'll run them on our Web site, too.
Before I met Charles Busch for the first time, someone told me, "He'll seduce you – he's very seductive." Indeed he is – and he's currently seducing packed houses at the La Jolla Playhouse where his new play, "The Third Story," is running through Oct. 19. The opportunity to see Busch is worth any amount of travel, and it was particularly delightful to see this extremely well-crafted tale – scratch that…three tales. The plots and how they intertwine are too lengthy for the confines of this column. Suffice it to say, not only does this show give wing to Charles' flights of fancy, but he's also assembled a knockout cast (including the incredibly versatile Mary Beth Peil). Do head to http://www.LaJollaPlayhouse.com for tix and information. I've said it before, but Charles is one of the reasons there is a Billy Masters. I admired him and was inspired by him, and still am (I daresay I inspire no one – again, I'm only here to entertain).
A flurry of films are being re-tooled for the Broadway stage. We recently heard that such unlikely vehicles as "Spider-Man" and "American Psycho" are joining the already developed "Addams Family" and "Catch Me If You Can" tuners. The latter is being penned by that gay power-couple, Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman, who also wrote "Hairspray." And speaking of "Hairspray," a sequel to the film version of the hit musical is being developed by New Line Cinema. You can't stop the beat…
Alas, you can stop the Broadway production of "Hairspray," which will likely close on Jan. 18, after a run of over six years. This means I'm now free to reveal a bit of casting that will not be taking place – the role of "Velma" as played by Belinda Carlisle. The sexy siren met with the powers-that-be, sang for them, and everyone was enthusiastic for the golden Go-Go to join the cast in February. Alas, that won't happen. But we heard that original "Edna," Harvey Fierstein, will return to the production and send it off in style (I say bring back Marissa, too). Shaiman chose to look at the positive side: "The sooner we close, the sooner the revival!"
Broadway's biggest champion, Rosie O'Donnell, is returning to the airwaves. As I previously reported, Rosie has been in talks with various networks about helming a variety show. NBC made her a deal she couldn't refuse. "Rosie's Variety Show" will feature a live band (likely led by John McDaniel), repertory cast, guest stars from stage, screen and television. She can test the format out on a live broadcast taking place on Thanksgiving Eve (which I'm happy to consider a holiday) and, if all goes well, she'll be on the air weekly starting in early 2009.
Let me go back to "Making Porn" for a second. I recently was sent the memoirs of another alum of the show – porn superstar Blue Blake. I immediately scanned the book to see if my name was mentioned, and sighed with relief when it wasn't. Not that I ever eschew publicity. But if I were mentioned, my hunch is Blue would not be particularly kind. He's always felt that I harbor some disdain for him, which is far from the truth. While he's not sexually my cup of tea (nor I his, I reckon), I admire his work and also credit him as a savvy businessman. His book, "Out of the Blue: Confessions of an Unlikely Porn Star," is a dishy read and I loved it.
In some short bits, we hear that:
Sexy Nick Adams from "A Chorus Line" and numerous 2(x)ist underwear ads is in Oklahoma City for a production of "The Rocky Horror Show." Needless to say, he'll be playing the scantily clad "Rocky" – from Oct. 9 through Nov. 1.
Nick's former "Chorus Line" co-star, Mario Lopez, filmed his scenes for the upcoming season of "Nip/Tuck" in Long Beach, with the sexy star wearing only a pair of skimpy shorts for a volleyball game. Photos to follow on http://www.BillyMasters.com
When Michael Feinstein marries his longtime companion Terrence Flannery in Los Angeles on Oct. 17, the ceremony will be officiated by none other than Judge Judy. Only in Hollywood, kids…
Porn star Brent Everett and his boyfriend Steve Pena tied the knot on Oct. 3. To make the event even gayer, they're registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Time to get out those coupons.
Michele Lee had Donna Mills and Lainie Kazan over to her swanky Beverly Hills abode to watch the vice presidential debate. And I turned down the chance to watch it with Roslyn Kind. There's a connection there, somewhere.
This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Henry in San Francisco: "Did you hear that 'Survivor' accidentally allowed footage of one of the contestant's penis to air? Who was it? And do you have the clip or stills?"
In a scene where the contestants were running through the jungle, Marcus Lehman's penis popped out of his boxer-briefs. While no one at CBS noticed (which can't be a good thing), people recording in HD were able to spread it instantaneously throughout the Internet. You can see the stills and footage on http://www.BillyMasters.com.
When Radcliffe might consider investing in a penis pump (or joining the next season of "Survivor"), it's definitely time to end yet another column. As usual, a few stories didn't make the print edition, but they'll turn up on http://www.BillyMasters.com, so be sure to cruise on by. If you've got a question, do drop a note to me at [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before the fat lady sings in "Hairspray"! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
