QUEER DUCK
Rub-a-dub-dub, there's a tranny in your tub! Conceptualized and produced by 1980s New York art-wear designer Art by Davey, the limited-edition Amanda Lepore CelebriDuck measures 4-inches tall by 4-inches wide and arrives ready to display. Entertainment Weekly listed the busty bath-time toy among its "Top 100 Gifts," and it's the only one of its kind lacking the kitschy company's trademark duck bill; rumor has it that the muse herself threw a hissy in order to have her own puffy pout placed front and center. ($30-$40, http://www.EverythingAmanda.com)
A FAIRY'S TAIL
Channel your inner Cheshire Cat with photographer Justin Monroe's highly anticipated coffee-table picture tome, "Down the Rabbit Hole," from publisher Bruno Gmuender. Steeped in the surreal fantasy, sinister humor and visual allegory of Lewis Carroll's famous fable – among other notable fairy tales (Janice Dickinson as Glinda the Good Bitch, anyone?) – the artist's 160-page paperweight features pseudo-celebs, like M4M adult actors Cody Fallon and Erik Rhodes, in highly conceptualized (and often compromising) positions. Which is a good thing. Because while Monroe's deftly-defined debut may never end up on an art school curriculum, at least it proves that porn stars can still get better jobs than the rest of us. ($97; http://www.Amazon.com, http://www.TLA.com)
XXXMAS
You wouldn't let your tree go untrimmed, and the same goes for your crotch. Spruce up those jingle balls with festive follicle dye from Betty Beauty, "color for the hair down there," available in two holiday hues – LOVE betty (red) and LUCKY betty (green). Free holiday stencils in seasonal shapes come with each kit. ($14.99; http://www.BettyBeauty.com)
FRESH FACED
When winter weather lashes out like a leather daddy scorned, Face to Face NYC Day Spa has just what the doctor ordered. "Joy to the Face," a 60-minute holiday facial infused with clove and eucalyptus begins with an acupuncture scalp, face and neck massage before a deep pore cleansing gets down and dirty; the hour-long organic "Winter WonderRub" warms you inside and out with spices that melt knots away and leave you smelling fresh and festive. Both treatments are completed with warm cider and a free Decleor gift set. ($80 each; http://www.FaceToFaceNYC.com)
SILVER LINING
Known for its culturally diverse designs and celebrity clientele (Tiki Barber and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson are on the shortlist), Cruz Azur lives up to its motto "Bold, Brave, Spirited" with three new men's jewelry collections. New lines include "The Holiday Horns," inspired by old-fashioned Christmas tree lights, available in five vibrant colors: ivory, green, yellow, black and red; "The Holy Peace Rosaries," celebrating 50 years of the peace sign, which was created on Feb. 21, 1958, to protest nuclear war; and "The Joy of Music," featuring a pair of headphones set against a CD-like, round silver pendant. "The holidays are a time of cheer and whimsy," explained Austin Smolka, Cruz Azur founder and head designer, "and we aimed to reflect on that spirit in the new collections. ($65-$120; http://www.CruzAzur.com)
BLITZKREIG
Stand out in a sea of iPhones and Androids with Blitz, the back-to-basics mobile device from Verizon Wireless. Quick and easy texting is the name of the game with Blitz, which features a level handset combining a large screen and the convenience of a QWERTY keyboard with reliable messaging and voice features. Additional specs include V CAST Music support, a microSD slot with support up to 4GB, stereo Bluetooth, a 1.3 megapixel cam, and VZ navigator. Which'll come in handy when you wake up on some dude's floor downtown. ($69.99; http://www.VerizonWireless.com)
FRONT LOADER
That boy's built like a bulldozer! Maybe not, but at least he'll look like it in Ginch Gonch's Load'N & Dump'N briefs. Made from a breathable, body-conforming stretch fabric (95-percent cotton/5-percent Lycra), these multiple truck skivvies feature a quarry of diggers and haulers while the signature 1-inch microfiber elastic logo waistband and matching trim offers a hip and polished look. Briefs come in four day-laborer colors – blue, red, green and black. You provide the beeping sounds when he backs that ass up. ($31; http://www.GinchGonch.com)
FOND MEMORIES
Turn those dust-collecting home videos into timeless digital treasures with iMemories, the first online company to integrate digital conversion of old family films with online sharing, editing and storage capabilities. Just send your media – including VHS, DVD and any other type of film – to iMemories' start-of-the-art facilities and they'll organize digitally remastered personal movies into clearly labeled scenes for you to easily identify, edit and safely share with the world. Just don't press your luck; nobody wants to see your "Viagra Diaries." ($19.99 and up; http://www.iMemories.com)
MERRY MARGARITAS
Feliz Navidad, indeed. Essential Artist Bottles from 1800 Tequila make it easier to drift away to a sunny south-of-the-border beach with nine limited edition decanters dressed in the works of previously undiscovered artists, such as Atlanta-based graphic designer Dosa Kim and illustrator Hannah Stouffer of San Francisco. Perfect for an agave connoisseur or the average cocktail enthusiast, these unique and decorative bottles will be the center of attention on any bar. Until the stripper arrives, of course. ($34.99; http://www.1800tequila.com)
FULL STEAM AHEAD
Little luxuries – like having delicates professionally pressed – are the first to go in times of recession. Luckily, Whirlpool can help you channel your inner Donna Reed with its Fabric Freshener, a portable device that revives clothing while relaxing wrinkles. Using only water – no chemicals here – the Fabric Freshener immerses textiles in a blanket of steam for 30 minutes, leaving them looking and smelling like they came straight from the cleaners. Collapsing to the size of a small vacuum, this mechanical George Jefferson can easily travel on a business trip or store under a bed. ($219; http://www.Whirlpool.com)
POTENT QUOTABLES
Self-proclaimed "Gay Pimp" Jonny McGovern knows how to make a statement. And you will too in his slim-fitting, super-deluxe line of extra-faggoty apparel. You'll draw stares of disdain and elevate discomfort at the family table with tees that shout out loud your recent secrets. Take your slut of a sister, for instance. Tell her how much you really love her with a fast and frank "Girl, I Fucked Yo' Boyfriend." Yep, that should do the trick. Jonny McGovern's Gay Pimpin' T-shirts are printed on American Apparel's 100-percent cotton jersey knits. ($20.90 and up; http://www.GayPimp.com)
BOTTOMS BUNKED
Pack your bags for a gay vacay. OUT Adventures offers 80 exclusive small-group LGBT tours to destinations that span the globe. During your trip you'll stay at locally owned hotels, travel with local guides, support local craftsmen (and -women), and eat at local restaurants. OUT Adventures guarantees that no "gay" premiums are attached to their getaways, which are available in five unique styles: Active, Family, Comfort, In Style and Independent. In addition, tree huggers in the groups – (listen up, lesbians) – can sleep easy knowing that their carbon footprint is kept to a minimum as the company subscribes to a "leave no trace" philosophy. If only your ex would do the same. ($1,000 and up; http://www.out-adventures.com)
STOCKING STUFFERS
CDs
Sarah Brightman, the world's best-selling soprano artist of all time, will make your yuletide merrier with A Winter Symphony, her first-ever Christmas album. Recorded with the London Symphony Orchestra, the Royal Symphonic Orchestra, and a 46-piece choir, this soon-to-be holiday classic features retooled versions of frosty faves, including "Silent Night," "In the Bleak Midwinter" and "Ave Maria," sung as a duet with Spanish-language crooner Fernando Lima. ($12.99; www.Amazon.com)
Showgirl Kristine W. kicks off the season in style with her first holiday album, Hey, Mr. Christmas, a shiny seven-song winter soundtrack. Included on the disc are festive takes on snow-laced standards such as "Hard Candy Christmas," "Mary Did You Know," and a dance-floor rendition of "O Holy Night," along with original songs like "Everyday's a Holiday" and "Mr. Christmas" himself. ($5.99; http://www.Borders.com)
BOOKS
"A droll, spirited read," said best-selling author Augusten Burroughs of singer-songwriter-novelist Stewart Lewis' latest work, Relative Stranger, about the colliding worlds of a closeted British Broadway producer named Garrett Millward and Lucy Walker, a 16-year-old budding fashionista. When fate pushes the two strangers together in the first-class cabin of a London-bound airplane, their lives change in unimaginable ways. ($14.95; http://www.AlysonBooks.com)
First-time author Alex Geana offers an autobiographical glimpse into the lonely life of a prescription-drug addict in "Side Step Me: some poems, photos and short stories about pill-popping culture." Heavily rooted in Geana's experience withdrawing from Celexa, a powerful antidepressant, his debut memoir captures, in different forms, the desperation of chemical dependency and the damaging effect it has on the mind, body and soul. ($12.99; http://www.SideStepMe.com)
DVDs
A group of guys think they're shooting a Vietnam movie in "Tropic Thunder," an A-lister comedy. Sounds all macho, right? Not so much when we find out that one of the dudes likes to pull the trigger on a different kinda gun. (Two-disc director's cut, $34.98; http://www.Amazon.com)
Six college friends struggle to preserve tradition – and their relationships – in Ornaments, a dark Christmas comedy from director Brian Samuel Davis. ($29.95; http://www.Ariztical.com)
