Duvall
Oh, open microphones, you career ending menaces, you. Why must you insist on amplifying the voices of insolent, disgusting, hypocritical assholes like Michael D. Duvall?
In case you are unfamiliar, Duvall represents Orange County in the California Assembly and last year was a strong opponent of marriage equality for gays and lesbians.
According to OC Weekly, two days after Duvall was put "on the Rules Committee that oversees member ethics – the second-term, conservative, Republican assemblyman sat in a public hearing and vividly described lewd details about his trysts with a female lobbyist whose clients had business before another committee on which Duvall sits."
Duvall is the vice chairman of the Utilities & Commerce committee and the female lobbyist in question works for an energy company.
How vividly?
"She wears little eye-patch underwear," he tells fellow Republican Jeff Miller. "So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday – a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me! So messy!'"
Now, I am not an underwear expert. But what is "eye-patch underwear" and how does one wear it? Is she wearing underwear on her face? Or does she have an eye in her nether regions? I am confused about this woman's anatomy.
He continues, "So, I am getting into spanking her. Yeah, I like it. I like spanking her. She goes, 'I know you like spanking me.' I said, 'Yeah! Because you're such a bad girl!'"
Duvall also talked about a second ongoing affair. According to the OC: "Oh, she is hot! I talked to her yesterday. She goes, 'So are we finished?' I go, 'No, we're not finished.' I go, 'You know about the other one, but she doesn't know about you!"
Uh, now she does. And Duvall's wife and two children do, too.
"Duvall," OC Weekly reports, "apparently had no idea his dais microphone became live beginning about a minute before the start of a cable-televised committee."
Yes. Apparently.
On Sept. 9, Duvall posted an apology on his Web site, along with news that he was resigning. But he admitted no wrong doing.
"I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the assembly," the statement reads. "I have come to the conclusion that it would not be fair to my family, my constituents or to my friends on both sides of the aisle to remain in office."
How noble of him.
"I want to make it clear that my decision to resign is in no way an admission that I had an affair or affairs. My offense was engaging in inappropriate storytelling and I regret my language and choice of words. The resulting media coverage was proving to be an unneeded distraction to my colleagues and I resigned in the hope that my decision would allow them to return to the business of the state."
You see? Duvall was just taking one for the team. A man with class to spare until the end.
