Q: “Dave” and I have been together for seven years. Time for the seven-year itch, right? Well, sorta. He has decided that our sex life needs spicing up. OK, that’s valid. Things do get a bit routine and old after awhile. I’m open to new things. So we have tried new things; some of them are great, some not so effective – I guess that is the best way of putting it.
But last week when Dave came home with his body do-over, I was, well, surprised and then turned on by it. His body was clean as a whistle – totally manscaped. He was as hairless as those Egyptian Sphinx cats. I have to say he was as smooth as glass and great to touch. I didn’t think I would ever like this look on Dave, but I find it very sexy and a huge turn on.
Here comes the rub, so to speak. Now, he wants me to get manscaped. I’ve told him that I don’t think I can do that. I just keep thinking how much I’m going to itch when it grows out. Dave says that he wants us to keep up the Sphinx look. This is all getting a bit much for me. So, now I’ll itch and have pain when they’re stripping me of my bodily hair – and believe me, I got hair. And, there are those places on the body that just shouldn’t be waxed. I think you can figure them out without having me go there.
I mean, I’m fine – even delighted – if Dave wants to do that, but I absolutely don’t want to have my hairy-self stripped. But Dave won’t get off my case. He says I’m not playing fair by not doing it, like I get the pleasure of his body and he doesn’t get the same with me. He’s got a point, but I didn’t ask him to. And I’m not insisting that he becomes or stays a hairless feline – even if I have enjoyed it.
Well, Dave has decided that I’m not interested in how he feels or his sex needs and says that “maybe he needs to find someone who is interested in his sexual needs.” His attitude has blown me away. I can’t believe that he is stuck on this, because I have fully participated in experimenting with our sex life with great gusto. And I’m mad as hell at Dave that he doesn’t appreciate that and hasn’t, apparently, enjoyed our efforts to jazz up our sex life. I was enjoying it. He’s stuck on this one damn thing. Plus, it feels like he’s threatening me with it by saying that maybe he has to look elsewhere.
What do you think of all this?
Hairy and Proud
A: If you were merely asking me how you could become hairless without being waxed, I say, try shaving. But all that you have related to me about this situation with Dave seems deeper than waxing or shaving.
Dave saying he “needs to find someone who is interested in his sexual needs” should be seen as a red flag in the relationship and something the two of you should take seriously. I doubt that being hairless is really that important to Dave, especially since you have been willing to explore other avenues to make your sex life more exciting. I’m guessing that there’s something else going on between the two of you that is not being addressed. If you and Dave can’t come up with what the real issue is and deal with it, I suggest you both consider seeking help from a therapist who specializes in relationship counseling. It’s important for the health of your relationship to find out the underlying issue. I really don’t believe it’s about hair.