by Jody Valley
Q: I bet you haven't received a letter like mine before. I've been in a relationship with "Richard" for 12 years. We had a commitment ceremony five years ago. I love him very much and don't want to lose him. I truly believe that he is my soul mate.
My problem is that I've been cheating on him, at least sort of cheating, and now I'm feeling scared and a little guilty.
I guess I didn't feel all that guilty, or really think I was cheating, until the Weiner case became public. I, too, have been sending pics of myself to guys. My pics are probably even more explicit than the ones I saw on TV and the Internet of Anthony Weiner.
Now, I'm sorry that I've done this and I'm afraid it is going to come back to haunt me, like it has for others in the news who have done this. The other thing that is upsetting is that I continue to do it. It's like I can't stop. You'd think I would, but I don't!
Most of my pics have gone out to guys that I don't know. Just sending them gives me a thrill, as well as getting back responses from them, sometimes getting pics in return.
I have to admit that some of my pics have led to sex with a few guys, but that's all it is, sex. No emotional involvements. For the most part, I don't know these guys and I don't think they want anything else from me, either. As I said, I don't want anything as far as a relationship goes because I already have that with my partner Richard.
You are probably wondering why I do this in the first place. Well, it spices up my sex life and spices it up with Richard as well. Granted, he doesn't know why I'm so hot (since I've been doing this), but he benefits as well. Richard is younger than I am, by 15 years. I used to have a hard time keeping up with him in the sex arena, but now I don't. Ever since I've been doing this – about two years ago – I have been one randy guy. Richard noticed this and has been happy about my increased interest in sex. He thinks it is because of me joining a gym and having a better body, which has stimulated my sex drive. I guess, in a way, that's true. My new body has led to my feeling like I can send pics, which leads to a better sex drive.
I'm also a bit worried about my job. It's not like I'm a political or a public person, but if this got out I could lose my job. (I'm not going to mention my job as I don't want this letter to lead, in anyway, to my being found out.) So, I'm worried on that front as well.
How do I get myself to stop this when my dick seems to be in control?
Leading Life With Wrong Head
A: I'm assuming since you haven't told Richard this and you're feeling guilty and fearful of his finding out, your commitment is that you and he have committed to remaining monogamous.
As I see it, you are playing with fire, and have a lot to lose doing what you are doing – like your job and your "soul mate," for starters.
It appears to me that you have a sex addiction problem, and you need to get help. Besides being unfaithful to Richard, you are putting yourself in danger in other ways as well. But you are the one who will have to make a decision to get this help. You need to get your upper head in control of your life.
People with addictions – of all sorts – often wait until their lives are torn into pieces before they finally get the help they need. I hope that's not your case. You need to search out a therapist who works with addictions – preferably sex addictions – if you want to keep this from ruining your life. If you need help finding someone in your area, let me know and I will help you.
If you would like to know more about sexual additions, go to Dear Jody Valley on Facebook.
