Well, it's 2015 and would you look at that, Christmas came and went, surviving yet another war against its very existence. A war raged by atheists (a.k.a. godless heathens), Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and any other so-called "religions" or "people" that don't worship a honey-skinned Jesus with long flowing blonde hair.
So congratulations, Christmas. You get to live on and increase the chances that yet another human being will be trampled to death at a Wal-Mart in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Because if Jesus was born in 2015, he would definitely get some sweet gold bling, but he surely wouldn't be getting frankincense and myrrh. He'd get an HD TV and a GoPro camera and you bet your ass any Wise Man would get that shit on sale.
Of course, Christmas doesn't just mean presents. It is also the time for end of the year pleas from organizations seeking donations.
And so it is that Brian Brown, the president of the National Organization for Marriage, posted a plea of his own on Dec. 22 on NOM's website.
Complete with nativity scene clip art, Brown implores NOM's supporters to fork over their money for "the best possible Christmas gift" – NOM's unrelenting war against letting same-sex couples get legally married. Because Jesus. Literally.
"When Jesus came into the world, it was with nothing," Brown writes. "No money. They had to move to a new city. His father, Joseph, had to start a new business. They didn't even have a home to stay in as he came into our world."
Huh. Sounds a lot like the lives of the more than 16 million children who live in poverty in America. But enough about them, let's find out why you should send your money to NOM, an organization that does absolutely nothing to help poor kids.
Brown continues, "But the one thing God did give (Jesus) — seemingly the one thing God thought His only begotten Son could NOT do without — was a loving mother and father to care for and protect Him."
Get it? Jesus might have been a poor boy born in a donkey shed, but God at least had the decency to give him Mary and Joseph as parents as opposed to, say, Mary and Jane, or Marty and Joseph. Thus establishing from the very beginning of time (because pre-Jesus time is whack) that God doesn't like homos.
Brown compares NOM's work to the birth of Jesus.
"(This) underscores the foundational importance of the mission that NOM has undertaken," Brown writes, "to defend marriage and work to ensure that every child in our society, as much as it is possible, enjoys the love of his mother and father."
Never mind that NOM's "work" does absolutely nothing to "ensure" that kids have both a mom and a dad. Their work is focused solely on making sure two men or two women in love can't marry each other. End of story. Making sure same-sex couples are treated as second-class citizens does nothing to help the children of heterosexual parents. It does, however, directly harm those children with two moms or two dads.
"The Holy Family is the perfect example for the human family — a man and a woman coming together in love for each other, and to provide the ideal environment for any children born of their union," Brown writes. "That is what marriage is, and the story of Christmas perfectly models it for us."
Never mind the fact that the whole "virgin" thing means there wasn't any "union." Or that Joseph plays a periphery role in the story of Jesus. The Virgin Mary? She's a celebrity. Joseph? He's got a walk-on role.
The story of Christmas seems to more accurately model the fact that marriage is, well, complicated. And that if we truly want to protect children, we should embrace and support all families.
