BY AJ TRAGER
It all started 15 years ago, when April DeBoer and Jayne Rowse met at a music festival in 1999. DeBoer came out with some friends, and Rowse was on-duty as an event police officer. The two didn't exchange numbers that weekend, but that didn't hinder the budding romance.
They got to know one another slowly and dated on and off again for the next four years until they had both finished nursing school. They knew that going back to school was going to put a stress on their relationship, so they tabled the romance but remained close companions.
"We went from falling in love to heartbreak, to a strong, strong friendship, back to feelings of wanting a relationship and having that love again for each other," DeBoer said.
After securing career positions as registered nurses, the two decided to try their hand at a relationship again, shifting the focus from best friends to partners. They've been nearly inseparable ever since.
"Falling in love with Jayne was exciting and refreshing and she made me feel safe and secure," DeBoer said. "She's got a fantastic sense of humor, so we did a lot of laughing. It was easy to do."
DeBoer and Rowse had wanted children from the beginning, but they wanted to make sure they were established in their relationship and their careers before making the call. Two years before their eldest was born, they had decided to file as foster parents. In 2009, Nolan arrived. Now, eight years later, date night looks less like campfires and live music and more like dinners out and grocery shopping.
"Our favorite time is after the kids go to bed and we have a few hours to ourselves to talk, snuggle up and watch TV – just be us. We've been fortunate in the past year to take a couple of trips by ourselves, and that has helped renew our relationship. We try to keep everything fresh and new. But we have a very good handle on our relationship and we understand what each other needs," DeBoer said.
By 2011 they had adopted three children and were in the process of adopting a fourth. But without applying for second-parent adoptions, each child was left with only one parent as the legal guardian, despite the fact that DeBoer and Rowse were both providers in the home.
DeBoer and Rowse each had legal rights over the children as foster parents, but once they filed for adoption, either DeBoer or Rowse lost their legal hold of that child and became a legal stranger. Hospitalization, the right to make a medical decision and the right to remove the child from school would all be limited to the parent who had legal custody. They wanted to ensure that their children had the most protections possible and decided to take legal action.
They approached Dana Nessel at Nessel & Kessel Law to have guardian paperwork drawn up to minimize the legal gap that resulted from adoption. They filed a case against the state of Michigan in 2011 seeking to change the second-parent adoption law which states that a couple has to be married to file for second-parent adoption. Federal Court Judge Bernard A. Friedman requested that the legal team change the angle of the lawsuit to instead challenge the Michigan Marriage Amendment of 2004, a voter-approved law that defined marriage as between a man and woman.
After digesting evidence presented during a 10-day trial in January 2014, Friedman ruled in favor of the DeBoer-Rowse legal team, determining that the MMA was unconstitutional. A stay was placed on the ruling the following day but not before 323 same-sex couples were legally married in the state. In August of that same year, the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals heard marriage equality cases from Michigan, Tennessee, Ohio and Kentucky, and in November ruled in favor of states' rights, thus creating a circuit split.
The U.S. Supreme Court is often called upon when there is an inconsistency in circuit court rulings and agreed to hear oral arguments regarding the constitutionality of same-sex marriage, which were heard April 28, 2015. Two months later, SCOTUS issued a historic ruling in favor of the plaintiffs which made same-sex marriage legal.
Planning The DeBoer-Rowse Wedding
Anyone who has ever planned a wedding will say that much goes into making sure all the pieces are in place to guarantee a seamless event. Happy couples (and sometimes wedding planners) speak with multiple vendors to plan for flowers, invitations, travel, gowns, tuxes, dresses, music, food and cake. For DeBoer and Rowse, the LGBT and ally communities stepped up their support and have provided all of these services. Donations have totaled roughly $50,000.
DeBoer and Rowse first mentioned marriage during Between The Lines' 2015 LGBT Wedding Expo, which brings together over 100 LGBT and allied wedding vendors from across Michigan every spring. During a conversation the first week of July with Jan Stevenson, CEO of Pride Source Media Group, DeBoer revealed that a local venue had called them with an offer they couldn't refuse: an all-expenses paid banquet hall, equipped with catering, if they wanted to marry on Aug. 22. DeBoer was calling to see if Stevenson knew of any invitation companies.
"What about everything else," Stevenson remembers asking. "What about flowers, decorations and entertainment and all that stuff?" And from DeBoer's line she heard silence. So Stevenson offered to help.
After two hours of phone calls, working down a list of LGBT Wedding Expo vendors, Stevenson and BTL sales representative Donelle Kremke were able to secure vendors for all services required for a wedding.
"I was really pleasantly overwhelmed because I just went through our vendor list, told them what was going on and asked if they would be willing to step up for these women who put so much on the line for us (the LGBT community) and no one hesitated," Stevenson said.
A Sneak Preview
"The first couple of weeks after the SCOTUS decision were calm and exciting, and then we jumped into wedding planning. We jumped from a frying pan to a boiling pot of water," DeBoer laughed. "For us, it'll be nice when it is all finished and our kids are adopted, safe and covered by the law. For us, there is still that final step in the process."
But the first step for any wedding is the planning. Amanda Laidlaw and her sister have been involved in event planning for a few years. Laidlaw has assisted some LGBT couples but has only been advertising her services for a year. For this wedding, Laidlaw coordinated all of the moving pieces on an accelerated schedule.
"I like helping other people get rid of their stress. So, by me finding ways to put different pieces together, I have found that I've enjoyed it," Laidlaw said. "But we don't design weddings. We sit down with a couple and ask them what they want and try our best to make that happen so that what they planned is what happens. The DeBoer-Rowse wedding is very traditional, and it is a standard wedding."
The first week in August, DeBoer and Rowse sent out 250 invitations that were designed and printed by Molly Axe at Maxe Designs. Axe left corporate America after a friend requested some original art from Axe, who has been an illustrative artist for many years. Now she specializes in invitations and original pieces, which she prints herself at her own studio. Axe designed something special for DeBoer and Rowse: traditional with a splash of color. After discussing font styles, wording and colors, she began sketching.
"What is so exciting about my work is every client is a brand new piece of art. This is more just for them. I don't ever use a client's design again," Axe said. "So many people support same-sex marriage. And I'm excited that it is finally legal. My thing has always been, let people love who they love."
"The boys are excited to wear tuxedos and eat cake, and the girls are looking forward to wearing their dresses. There's big discussion on who is going to marry who," DeBoer joked. "They are all excited. They still don't understand the big picture or the big reason. But they're excited that there will be cake."
DeBoer and Rowse took a trip up to Midland to meet with Cary Fisher of the Gourmet Cupcake Shoppe where they sampled a variety of flavors from raspberry cheesecake to Harry Potter inspired "butterbeer." But when the day was over they chose a flavor named after their home called "Motown Truffle," which includes Belgian chocolate, cocoa and vanilla buttercream.
"They did what needed to be done. They stood up against the establishment and questioned the pervasive thinking of the people in Michigan," said Dale Morgan, owner of Blossoms, a Birmingham-based florist. "I am thankful that they did do it because now it has led to freedom for the LGBT community. I spent a lifetime in fear of what people would physically and emotionally do to me. When you think about it, homosexuality wasn't taken off the list of mental illnesses until 1973."
Morgan is happy to be a part of the celebration and will bring a colorful sense of style and aroma to the room, utilizing his skills in floral artistry.
The gowns are provided by B. Ella Bridal in Plymouth. Owner, Brittany Blase, has been a big part of the LGBT Wedding Expo fashion show and donated five dresses for the wedding, totaling $3,000.
DeBoer's mother will wear a cranberry chiffon dress with a built in lace top. The couple's daughters will all wear flowergirl skirts with red sashes and DeBoer will wear an ivory Mori Lee V-neck fit and flare lace gown with a beaded under bust.
"The three little girls are so precious and precocious. They are beautiful, opinionated and they have a great time trying on dresses," Blase said. "I'm very excited for April and Jayne. I know from personal experience how it can be such a long legal journey and to be victorious and have that relief. There is much joy in being able to celebrate this with everybody who has stood by them. I commend all the vendors."
Tuxedos for Rowse and the two boys will be provided by Birmingham's The Tux Shop on Woodward.
Their rings were donated from Miner's Den in Royal Oak. Since the brides both work in the medical field, they wanted rings that wouldn't distract from their job and could withstand everyday wear and tear. They chose rings made from tungsten carbide that feature a railroad-brick pattern.
"Like anything else, this is an experience that everybody should be able to have and everybody should be able to walk into a florist or a jewelry store and look for and be priced for their services without being secretly judged," said Kyle Burns, general manager at Miner's Den.
The two boys will escort Rowse down the aisle with the two older girls escorting DeBoer down the aisle.
"The children will give their mothers away as they become a full fledged legal family. No other bridesmaids or groomsmen will be standing," Laidlaw explained. "We will allow press to see the vows and will conduct a short Q&A session outside of the venue before they come back in and the DJ announces them as Mrs. and Mrs."
Judge Friedman will officiate the wedding and officially declare DeBoer and Rowse married under the eyes of Michigan law.
Annie O'Neill Photography will provide a photobooth, coverage of the event as well as an opportunity for family and friends to write a special message to the newlyweds. Candlewood Suites Detroit in Troy offered the couple six rooms for family and friends. Charmed Salon in Plymouth will provide manicures. DeBoer's hair stylist will do her hair and Satisfaction Limousines will provide their transportation for the day.
Laidlaw says that planning this wedding wasn't stressful but instead much more exciting, with very few chances to waffle on decisions. In the next four weeks Laidlaw has four lesbian weddings planned but says that these couples are looking towards DeBoer and Rowse's celebration as verification that marriage equality actually happened and that "the legal part of the discussion gets to be over."
The press conference to be held at the wedding and all public relations inquiries are organized by Mike Odom at Marx Layne, Integrated Public Relations and Digital Media.
The location of the hall will remain private until after the ceremony, with respect to the brides and their historical evening.
