Best of Anything But Straight 2005

BTL Staff
By | 2006-01-05T09:00:00-04:00 January 5th, 2006|Opinions|

By Wayne R. Besen

The past year, this column has opined on key issues affecting the American people. Heroes have been lauded, hypocrites exposed and crucial gay issues brought to the fore. Here is a snapshot of the tantalizing topics discussed in 2005:
Brokeback Mountain: In essence, we all have our own secret “Brokeback Mountain” and the movie subconsciously asks people to find their purpose and embrace their passion, because life is short and fragile. It is this searing, powerful message more than the fact the messengers are gay that will ultimately help people understand the struggles of gay people, and more importantly, themselves.
Bush’s America: America under Bush is a political Red Light District. It is a twisted world of politicians pimping policy for perks and political prostitutes trading their reputations for riches.
Condom Fatigue: The latest harebrain notion to toxically slither into the gay vernacular is “condom fatigue.” This is the theory that the rules for safer sex have to be reinvented because people are fed up with using prophylactics. Well, I don’t particularly like stopping for red lights either because it tends to slow me down. I’m also over the gym and would prefer that the government declare TV watching an aerobics sport and cheese fries a food group. Unfortunately, there are laws of nature and common sense that can’t be defied no matter how annoying or cumbersome.
Conservative Whining: Failed Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork described President George W. Bush’s selection of Harriet Miers for the high court as a “kind of a slap in the face to the conservatives.” We used to be able to tell who the conservatives were by the bad suits. Now, we can identify them because they have red welts on their faces.
Ellen DeGeneres: Without Ellen’s bold step into the unknown, there would likely be no “Will & Grace” or gay characters sprinkled throughout network and cable television. Rosie O’Donnell would probably still be rhapsodizing about a dream date with Tom Cruise.
Focus on the Family: Bad parents do not cause homosexuality, as Focus on the Family preaches. The notion that gays can go straight is imaginary hocus pocus from Focus.
Jim Guckert: Although George W. Bush once owned The Texas Rangers, anyone who has seen him at a press conference knows that his favorite sport is really softball. Bush’s penchant for puff helps to explain the mercurial rise and fall of “reporter” Jim Guckert, who went from working in a cyber-whorehouse to covering the White House as a “correspondent” for conservative Internet magazine, Talon News. When not reporting conservative news, Guckert was a member of Bush’s “ownership society.” In fact, he owned seedy gay sex websites including HotMilitaryStud.com, MilitaryEscorts.com and MilitaryEscortsM4M.com. While other reporters covered a beat, Guckert’s beat was under the covers.
LOGO: The new gay television network should produce a knock-off of “Survivor” where 10 “ex-gays” are airlifted and placed on an island stocked with sex addicted A&F models. Each time an ex-gay breaks down and sodomizes, he is booted off the island.
Military Interpreters: Between 1998 and 2004, the military kicked out 20 hard-to-find Arabic speakers and six Farsi speakers simply because they are gay. It seems it is a higher priority for our government to keep these valued interpreters out of gay Internet chat rooms, than it is to have them investigating terrorist “chatter.”
Religious Left: If moderate Christians don’t fight for their beliefs, they will soon find their faith extinct, with Jesus forever transformed into a judgmental bigot who unfailingly votes Republican and watches Fox news.
Vatican: To remain in the Catholic Church as a gay priest is to be the abused wife that runs back to her husband. If a gay priest sees the church as merely a jobs program, than I can understand staying. But, priests with a conscience who care about God, the church, the gay community and the truth, will realize that it is time to leave this increasingly intolerant institution in protest.

About the Author:

BTL Staff
Between The Lines has been publishing LGBTQ-related content in Southeast Michigan since the early '90s. This year marks the publication's 25th anniversary.