Creep of the Week Jim Naugle

By | 2007-08-09T09:00:00-05:00 August 9th, 2007|Opinions|

Imagine this: you’re not feeling well. Perhaps you’re lactose intolerant and, against your better judgment, just finished off an ice cream sundae – because, hey, it’s summer, it’s hot, and you only live once, right? But now you need a bathroom and quick. You duck into a nearby public restroom, though you’d much rather be at home, suffering in private.
Things take longer than you’d like. You’re not finished when, suddenly, the stall door flies open and you’re exposed in all your humiliating glory.
The door opening isn’t an accident. It’s a feature of the $250,000 “robo-toilet” Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle wants to install in some public restrooms to thwart the gay sex-havers he imagines restrooms are teeming with.
“They’re engaging in sex, anonymous sex, illegal sex,” Naugle told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, presumably while fanning himself with a stack of photographic evidence.
As it turns out, what public restrooms are actually teeming with are people who have to go to the bathroom.
According to police, restroom sex isn’t really a problem. “There’s no evidence, no reports or arrests made for �any men having sex in any restrooms,” Sgt. Frank �Sousa told the Sun-Sentinel.
Even if it was a problem, it’s hard to see how a toilet that costs a quarter of a million dollars (sure, that sounds expensive. I thought so, too, until I learned it also plays music and cleans the seat) would stop it. Everybody knows that restroom sex takes a long time. I mean, before the main event there’s an embrace, some slow dancing to a Sade tune or two, gentle stroking followed by closed mouth kissing. And that doesn’t even include the proceeding dinner and a movie, which is also done right there in the stall.
According to an Aug. 2 Sun-Sentinel story, “Later in July, Naugle questioned whether Broward County should continue to invite gay tourists here while at the same time the county’s HIV and AIDS rates are among the highest in the state and nation.”
“I don’t use the� word ‘gay’,” Naugle said. � “I use the word ‘homosexual.’ Most of them� aren’t gay. They’re unhappy.”
Yes, they are unhappy. Unhappy with Naugle.
Gay rights groups across the country have sent letters to the Fort Lauderdale City Commission and Broward County Commission asking them to publicly disassociate themselves from Naugle’s comments.
After all, they can’t ask Naugle for an apology. He’s already apologized. Just not to them.
“I was not aware how serious the problem was of the sexual activity that is taking place in the bathrooms in public places and parks around Broward County, particularly in the city of Fort Lauderdale,” Naugle said at a July 24 press conference. “I’ve been educated on that and I want to apologize to the children and to the parents of our community for not being aware of the problem.”
While the robo toilet was nixed from the budget, there’s no telling what Naugle has up his sleeve to combat the gay menace he sees sexing it up in the public restroom stalls of his dreams. You can send suggestions to mayorjames@aol.com.

About the Author: