Creep of the Week: Sally Kern

Ladies and gentlemen, the jig is up. The "gay agenda," that sacred creed we hold so dear, has been discovered.
How did this happen, you ask? Well, after decades of passing the gay agenda using a specialized oral method so it'd never fall into the wrong hands, somebody apparently invented a so-called "written alphabet." Years later, someone else invented something called a "printing press," which was followed by a "publishing industry." Homosexuals never saw it coming.
Before you could say "homosexual world domination" people started writing books and publishers started printing them. And that's when Doubleday publishers and Marshall Kirk, a psychologist by trade, and Hunter Madsen, some kind of advertising guy, ruined it for all of us with the 1989 publication of "After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred of Gays in the '90s." (That's right. In the '90s. We're a little behind schedule.)
It was only a matter of time before the enemy discovered Kirk and Madsen's agenda. Twenty years, to be exact. So long that the book is out of print. But who's counting?
So who found out the homos? None other than Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern. And she announced it to the world at a John Birch Society "Clouds Over America" (because clouds produce rain and rain is made of God's tears and homosexuals make God cry) conference last week.
You may remember Kern. In March 2008 she got a lot of attention when she called homosexuality a bigger threat to this country than terrorism. In fact, her comments so enraged folks that the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigations was looking into threatening e-mails she received to weed out possible death threats. I don't know why. After all, aren't death threats akin to terrorism? Didn't the Bureau have anything more important to do? Like break up a commitment ceremony somewhere?
Say what you want about Kern, but she's not anti-gay fly-by-nighter. No sir, she means it, whether it's in fashion or not.
Before God and the John Birch Society, Kern quoted a key part of the gay agenda book: "The masses should not be shocked and repelled by premature exposure to homosexual behavior itself."
Translation: someday it will be OK to be gay. Quick, somebody get Kern's fainting chair.
"I've done a lot of reading on this. I wish I could describe to you their behavior. I will not because I would be redder than this suit. It's their behavior that we oppose," Kern said.
"This theme of equality and freedom is the approach that the homosexuals are using today — totally perverting the true intention of what our Constitution meant," she continued. "The homosexuals get it — it's a struggle between our religious freedoms and their right to do what they want to do."
And religious nuts like Kern won't be free until all the queers are wrangled up and straightened out.
"The solution is another Great Awakening, folks," Kern said. "We need a spiritual revival, and that will only come if God's people, especially you pastors, will stand in your pulpits and vocally preach the word of God and thus declare the Lord this sin, and preach it in love, only then does our nation have a chance of overcoming the scourge of AIDS, HIV and the devastating destruction that the homosexual lifestyle is bringing on your children and our grandchildren."
If I remember history correctly, every Great Awakening was the precursor to a great big war. Something tells me gays aren't going to greet Kern's army as liberators.