By Jody Valley
In the spotlight
Q: I don’t know where to turn. I was recently contacted by the police because my ex girlfriend’s child has apparently accused me of sexually molesting her. Melissa is 12 years old. I thought I had a good relationship with her. I am so shocked that I can’t even think straight.
Let me give you a little background. Michelle and I were together for about five years, although we never moved in together. We broke up six weeks ago. I spent a lot of time with her and her three children during our relationship, but she never wanted to live with me because she didn’t think it would be good for her kids. I don’t really know what the kids thought our relationship was about. We were never physically demonstrative around the kids, but we never really hid our relationship, either. Michelle worked at night so a few times I stayed with the kids when the babysitter wasn’t available.
I guess our break up was pretty hard on Michelle because she didn’t want to break up. She wanted things to stay just the way they were and I wanted more. I wanted her and her family to move in with me, or for us to buy a house together. I needed more than just living alone and being on the edge of her family. Anyway, we broke up and I haven’t seen her for about three weeks.
Then two days ago out of the blue the police were at my door. I ended up talking with them then going down to the police station and being interrogated. I was shaking so hard, I think they thought I was guilty. When I go home I called Michelle, when she heard my voice she hung up and then didn’t answer the phone after that. I went over and knocked on the door, but she didn’t answer and I am sure she was there because her car was there. I just want to let her know I didn’t ever do anything to her daughter.
What should I do? I’m not guilty, but I feel like there is no way I can prove I am not guilty.
A: I certainly understand your scare and your wanting Michelle to know that you didn’t do anything, but it may not be the best time for you to contact her. The first thing I would do, if I were you, is to contact a lawyer. They can find out where the case stands, and let you know what you should do and what not to do. You really need legal advice.
Q: What do I do with a person who goes around telling everyone that they know that I am gay, and then discusses my life? I have a co-worker who is doing just that. She seems to have nothing better to talk about other than me, my sexuality, and what I am doing. She seems obsessed with my life.
I am “out” at work and really mostly everywhere, but I guess I just don’t want her going around outing me and talking about my life. It’s as if she thinks people will be impressed with her for having a gay friend. I have tried to talk with her about it, but it doesn’t seem to help. I keep running into people I know that say they recently talked to Christy and she was telling them all about me. I sometimes wonder how many people I don’t even know about that she talks to about me.
I really don’t know how to get her to stop. When I ask her to stop she just laughs and says she doesn’t know why I care. What can I do?
A: The bad news here is that you can’t control what other people say about you, but you can control how much you tell them about your life. Also, you might let your friends and acquaintances, whom she talks to, know that you don’t appreciate her talking about you and that you would appreciate it if they would discourage her.