Q:
First, let me tell you that I'm a single woman, looking to find my soul mate, or at least a girlfriend. Therefore, I go out a lot, trying to put myself out there to see if I can find that special person.
A week ago I went to a party with a female friend, "Mary" – just a friend. When we first got to the party, I saw this woman, "Laura," who's very hot, standing with a group of people that I didn't know very well. Nevertheless, I stopped, talked to them a little, flirted with Laura; but then, because I knew these other people at the party, I went and hung out with them for awhile. But all the time, I kept looking over at Laura – flirting – while I was talking with my friends.
My friend, Mary, knew that I was interested in Laura. She was right there when I was flirting with her. And, I know that Laura was interested in me, because she was responding to my flirting.
I was about to get my courage up and go over to Laura when I got a phone call from a friend telling me about her mother. Her mom had been taken to the hospital ER and was in bad shape. I, of course, wasn't about to tell her that I was about to make my big move toward Laura. So, I talked to my friend until she was feeling better.
By the time I got off the phone, Laura was taken. By Mary!
I couldn't believe it! Mary and Laura were huddled together in a corner, holding hands and kissing. Like I said, Mary was very well aware of the fact that I was interested in Laura. If it weren't for that phone call, it would have been me in the corner holding hands and kissing Laura. But because I was a good supportive friend, I lost Laura. And, I have to say, I may have lost Mary too because I feel so betrayed by her. I don't want anything to do with her anymore or, at least, I don't think I do. I ended up going home alone, while Mary and Laura left the party together.
The next day, Mary called me. She told me about Laura and how the night went. She's in love! She acted all surprised that I was mad at her for taking Laura from me. She said that she didn't know that I was into Laura. Mary said that she had been flirting with Laura too. She sounded sincere, but it's hard for me to believe. Now, I'm really confused.
Do you think that Mary is sincere when she says that she didn't know that I was interested in Laura? Do you think she really didn't know? I hate to lose Mary as a friend, but I also don't want to be a fool, or have something like this happen to me again.
Loser in Love
A: I can't know if Mary really knew about your interest in Laura, anymore than you seem to be able to know for sure. From what you've said, you never even verbalized it to her; you just assumed she knew that. Regarding her sincerity, I would be judging that on her past behavior: Has she been a dishonest or deceptive person with you in the past? Or with others? Why wouldn't you believe her?
And, just because you were flirting with Laura doesn't mean she wasn't too. Unless you and Mary had been stuck together at the party, like conjoined twins, how would either of you know what the other was doing at every minute?
Ultimately, you will have to make a decision to believe, or not believe Mary. But do you want to lose a friend when there is doubt in your mind about her intentions?
P.S. At the time you were flirting with Laura, assuming she wasn't with anyone else, no one had flirting dibs on her. Anyone in the party was free to flirt with her, and she was free to respond to anyone she pleased; so, in my book, there really was no betrayal. The only betrayal would have been if you told Mary that you were interested in Laura and were trying to connect with her, and then she went after Mary anyway.
Jody Valley is now on Facebook: Search: Dear Jody Valley.
