Q: A couple of weeks ago, someone wrote in about trying to deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder while still having a sex life. I don't know if this would work for her, but I bought a light box and it has helped me a lot. I use it first thing in the morning for about 45 minutes, usually while catching up on my computer and drinking my coffee before work. It certainly takes me more time in the mornings to get ready for work because I have to use it every day, but getting up thirty minutes earlier is well worth the relief I get. Plus, I don't have to take an antidepressant when I am using the light box, so I continue to enjoy sex. My doctor prescribed it, but the insurance I have wouldn't pay for it. The one I got was pretty expensive but well worth it.
Under the Light
A: Thanks for responding. For those who suffer this time of year from Michigan's gloom, talk to your doctor about a light box to see if it might work for you. But don't get off your antidepressant without checking with your physician; it can be dangerous to just stop taking antidepressants.
When monsters-in-law attack!
Q: I hate my mother-in-law! It used be different, but she has really changed this last year. "Jim" and I have been together for 10 years. We did have a good relationship with his parents; we weren't real close, but they were always kind when we visited. Because of their religious beliefs, I've always known that they didn't think that we should be together. They call themselves "born-again Christians."
Last year, Jim and I decided to get married. We had a beautiful wedding in Canada with lots of our friends and my family. My family was very excited for us and couldn't have been more supportive. Jim's family said that they couldn't come because they didn't have the money. (They certainly have money for other trips.) My mother-in-law was always pretty nice to me before we got married, but since we made our relationship official, she has been really cold and critical. The last time we visited, she made a comment about my haircut, saying that maybe I needed a new barber so I would look more normal. She digs at me like that so Jim won't hear them. When I tell Jim about her digs, it sounds petty. But added up, it feels very hurtful. After our marriage she made it clear to us that she felt our marriage was not right, and that allowing people like us to marry was destroying the sanctity of marriage. I am to the point that I don't want to visit them anymore, but Jim says I am being too sensitive and need to give them time to get used to the idea of our being married.
This issue is really starting to interfere with my relationship with Jim. What can I do to keep my mother-in-law from ruining a beautiful relationship?
Son-in-law, Non Grata
A: It's not just about your mother-in-law getting used to you being married to Jim; it's about her being abusive to you. Jim needs to understand how this makes you feel. So if you haven't really had a good conversation about that with him, it's time. He also needs to hear how his mother's behavior is interfering with your relationship with him. Then he can make a decision about how he wants to handle this with his mother. Hopefully, Jim will confront his mother and let her know that if she wants to continue having a relationship with the two of you, she will need to stop these behaviors. If Jim isn't willing to do this, then you need to make your decision as to whether you're willing to visit his parents, and under what conditions if you decide to do so. No one needs – or should – continue a relationship that is abusive.
P.S. Make sure you listen to Jim's pain regarding his parent's behavior. This is not easy for him, either. He will be able to deal with this problem better if he feels heard as well.
