We need to talk about Taylor Swift.
It was never going to last forever. And now that the secret’s out and the most popular singer in the United States has had her cover blown to pieces, she will never, ever get it back together.
First, Republicans claimed that Democrats rigged the 2020 election (Editor’s note: Democrats did no such thing). Now they’re claiming that Democrats are going to rig the Super Bowl all so Taylor Swift and her boyfriend, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, can use the largest televised event in the country to demand that everyone vote for President Joe Biden.
If you didn’t have “Taylor Swift discovered to be an agent of the Deep State” on your 2024 Bingo card, then you need to seriously ask yourself why you even bother playing Bingo in the first place.
We should have been suspicious back when Swift re-recorded and re-released her old albums. How did we not notice that all of the “Taylor’s Version” albums have song titles like, “All You Had to Do Was Vote for Biden,” “I Wish You Would Vote for Biden,” and “The Story of U.S. Voting for Biden.”
Still don’t believe me? When you play Swift’s song “Anti-Hero” backward, you’ll hear secret messages like, “Ticketmaster is the devil” and “President Joe Biden 4-Ever.”
I mean, just do the math!
1942 (the year Biden was born) + 1989 (the year Swift was born) = 3931. Divide that by 2024 and you get 1.942. Coincidence? Hardly. When you round 1.942 up you get 2, which is clearly an endorsement of two terms for Biden.
Republicans have, naturally, latched onto this conspiracy theory with unbridled enthusiasm.
It certainly doesn’t hurt that disgraced former president Donald Trump has had, um, issues with Swift for years now.
“Trump himself is apparently jealous of the singer-songwriter's fame, according to sources who said the former president is angry that she would back his rival and mystified that she was chosen as Time Magazine's Person of the Year instead of him,” reports Raw Story.
Swift was Time’s Person of the Year in 2023 and she also appeared on the cover in 2017 with a number of other women “as one of the Silence Breakers who inspired women to speak out about sexual misconduct,” according to Time.
Trump is, no doubt, pissed about both.
MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski addressed the Swift controversy on Jan. 31’s episode of “Morning Joe.”
"Trump himself recently claimed in private that he was more popular than the music star and that his fans were more committed than hers," Brzezinski said.
Scarborough replied in the only possible way: "Well, her fans won't actually kill four cops. They won't try to take the government over, if that is what you mean. They won't take American flags and turn them into spears, if that is what you are talking about.”
IS that what Trump was talking about? I mean, probably!
That said, there really is no telling what Swifties would do if Ticketmaster fucks them over again. Just saying.
“The absurdity of it all boggles the mind,” an anonymous senior administration official told Politico about the Swift conspiracy (Swiftspiracy?). “It feels like one of those ‘tell me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist, without telling me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist’ memes.”
It’s easy to laugh at all of this, but we have to remember that believing in, and acting on, absolutely baseless conspiracy theories is exactly what MAGA extremists do. Remember the guy who walked into a D.C. pizza joint and opened fire because he believed in a widely circulated (and widely believed!) conspiracy theory that the restaurant was a front for a child sex trafficking ring? Or how about the time a deranged loser told thousands of his followers that the 2020 election had been stolen and set them loose on the U.S. Capitol?
Truly, these wild accusations about Swift put her in real danger, as her people are all too aware.
“We know all too well the dangers of conspiracy theories, so to set the record straight: Taylor Swift is not part of a DoD psychological operation. Period,” Swift spokesperson Sabrina Singh told Politico.
I cannot imagine that demonizing Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, aka “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince,” is going to work out well for Republicans. But then again, demonizing people is kind of their thing: women, BIPOC, LGBTQ+ people. You know, anyone who isn’t white, Christian, cisgender and heterosexual. Also anyone who believes in science, public education, and basic human decency.
“Call It What You Want,” but “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.”