Billy Masters
"I am so distressed about this election. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the new stories are about the election. All the commercials are for Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection. Either way we're getting screwed!" – Bette Midler, while hosting the Krave For Change Obama fundraiser at Krave, the only gay club on the Vegas strip.
You know how most writers sensationalize the nasty stories and bury a positive piece deep in the bowels of their column? Not Billy Masters. This week's lead story is commending Ellen DeGeneres for her donation to fight California Proposition 8, an attempt to block gay marriage. While it's true that numerous other celebs have given money toward this cause prior to Ellen, it can be argued that her public statements on the topic carry even more monetary value. Now she's put some money where her mouth is. DeGeneres spent $100K of her own money on airtime for a public service announcement urging people to vote no on Prop 8. Brava.
After Bravo reported that Kathy Griffin's "My Life on the D-List" would be back next year, the funny gal felt it was important to set the record straight. "The Bravo people have said that I have signed up but I have not. I am trying to extract tens of dollars from Bravo." After a pair of Emmys, you'd think it's the least they could do.
As we go to print, word has it that Lindsay Lohan has been fired from "Ugly Betty." A bigger question might be what the hell was she doing on a TV show in the first place?
"Sordid Lives" could reach the end of its shelf life. Logo has not shown interest in renewing the series, and the producers are taking matters into their own hands. Creator Del Shores has started hawking memorabilia on eBay – including outfits worn by Leslie Jordan, Caroline Rhea, and Rue McClanahan. If you've got more money to spend, you can host your own season finale party with the cast, have a New Year's Eve party with the cast, or hire Jason Dottley for a private party – which I believe is how he got cast. Regardless, please help them out. If there's no season two, I fear Shores may find himself suddenly single!
Last week, I ended my self-imposed exile from the West Hollywood social scene by heading to Temptation Thursdays, which is housed at Apple (formerly Pearl, Luna Park, or Rose Tattoo for those of you old enough to remember). This promotion serves as a gentleman's club, which means a sexy, swanky crowd with loads of scantily clad men. The night I was there, Marc Jacobs was enjoying the pleasures of porn star Francois Sagat. The previous week, Lance Bass stopped in. God knows who'll be there next (other than moi).
That Cloris Leachman is one smart cookie. She's been successful at staying on "Dancing with the Stars" long past expectations. And it may very well pay off in an unexpected way. Two years ago, Mel Brooks denied her the opportunity to play the role of "Frau Bluecher" on Broadway in "Young Frankenstein." Although Cloris did a workshop of the show, Brooks felt the rigors of an eight-performance week would kill her. However, here's one of those scoops you'll only read here – with her renewed marquee value and her displays of energy, Mel has reached out to Leachman to see if they could make a deal for her to join the show after the holidays. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the show's somewhat soft box office. Stay tuned…
It seems like I mention "Equus" in every column, but we keep getting reports. The week started with an e-mail from a fan who wanted to respond to my report about Daniel Radcliffe's diminutive appendage: "My partner and I were only four rows from the stage. I had binoculars. He had opera glasses. We could not believe how small Radcliffe's penis is. We were in a complete state of shock. Honey, you would need a high-powered telescope to see that little baby penis!" Now, come on – give the poor boy a break. There's only so much you can do.
Moments later, another e-mail arrived – this one from a fan who snagged a video of Danny's nude scene! "Billy, I thought his penis looked just fine, and here's the video to prove it. You'll notice his dick sticks straight out as the scene goes on. Maybe he got excited." Maybe he did! This one is clearer than the UK one we previously ran. You can see it for yourself on http://www.BillyMasters.com – the site that tries a wee bit harder.
Speaking of dicks, more and more people are saying that Will Smith is a fan of 'em. Of course, these rumors are nothing new. However, they're now being substantiated by a madam – yes, I said a madam. When asked of Will, she said, "I had to reassure him over and over that I could guarantee discretion. Once I convinced him I could, he placed his order. It was for a man." Talk about discretion!
It's hard for me to believe that people are talking about Hugh Jackman getting older. Honey, if that's the face and body of 40, I'm gonna be mighty happy come Feb. 13! The hunk was celebrating his milestone birthday Down Under at Bronte Beach with his wife and kids. The shirtless shots show Jackman sporting a bod that puts younger bucks to shame. The unbelievable snaps will turn up on http://www.BillyMasters.com.
Ryan Reynolds (who, inexplicably, went from Alanis Morrisette to Scarlett Johansson) is in training to run the New York Marathon on Nov. 2 as a member of Team Fox – raising money for Michael J. Fox's foundation for Parkinson's Disease research. His goal is to raise $50K for the foundation, and you can get involved by going to http://www.TeamFox.org. Of course, for sexy shots of Ryan, go to our site.
Dana Delany is telling anyone who will listen that she turned down the lead role in "Sex and the City." I say we start a list of successful vehicles that Delany has allegedly "passed" on…
Of all the "Ask Billy" questions I've received, this one puzzled me the most. Kelly in Nevada wrote: "Is Guy Ritchie gay? Is that why Madonna's divorcing him? I heard he liked to play with dildos."
I certainly never heard any gay rumors about Guy Ritchie. Lord knows, if Guy were gay, Chris Ciccone would have had something in common with him! And who says straight guys don't use dildos? I'm sure some do, although I'd classify them somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale. I did some checking. I did some snooping. I did some sniffing. And what did I come up with? Pictures of Madonna and Guy making a purchase in a sex shop. And what was in the bag? Something called "Purple Penetrator." It appears to be a pair of ladies panties with a dildo attached – kinda like a strap-on. This was purchased in London last September, which would counter Guy's claims that they haven't had sex in a year and a half. Although perhaps he doesn't count it as sex if HE'S the one getting fucked! Photos to follow on BillyMasters.com.
When Madonna's Guy could be gay, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Didya notice our theme this week? Dicks, dicks, and more dicks. Not that I think anyone is complaining. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. If you do, head to http://www.BillyMasters.com for not only the best gossip around, but also the hottest naked celebs. If you have a question, drop an e-mail to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Will Smith buys Jada that Purple Penetrator! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
