Q: I am 23-year-old bi-woman. I am currently attending a university in Michigan, and am majoring in chemistry. I really like chemistry, but my God, everyone in the department is so f…ing conservative! They all know I am bisexual, I don't believe in lying about my life and who I am. I told everybody the first time I meet them about my sexuality. I figure if they don't like it it's just too bad. The problem is that they are now making my life miserable. They do things like sneak in and ruin my experiments. They make jokes about me. They will all be laughing when I walk in and then give me that look and walk away. They try to make me look like a fool in class.
The other day, I was working in the lab with a lab partner. When we got started, my lab partner asked me, as she was plugging in a burner, whether or not, "today I wanted AC or DC?" She said that in a loud voice for others to hear and the whole lab broke up laughing. I was so mad I told them all to shut up, but I held back my tears and stayed in that room. I thought things would be better when they got to know me personally, but in a way it has gotten worse. What do I do to get through the next three years of this hell hole?
A: I would suggest that you first start with talking with a professor whom you think might be understanding and see if he/she has any suggestions on how to handle this situation, preferable one in the chemistry department, but if not, some other professor or your advisor. Also, you might look into any LGBT organizations that are on campus. Having a support system can make life much more bearable. There may be organizations at the university that help with this type of problem. Speak with the counseling department to see if they know of any recourse. Sometimes, as unfair as it might be, you just can't change a situation. If all else fails, you may want to change universities. In the future, you might want to look at whether or not you want to come out to everyone you meet – especially the first time you meet them – before evaluating whether or not any one person can hurt you with that information.
Q: I don't know if you will believe what I have to tell you, but I am dead serious. My lover is evil. I don't mean she is mean; I mean that she is evil. Of course, I didn't know this when I fell in love with her, but little by little over the years – 10 to be exact – I have seen what she does to people when she gets mad at them.
What she does is, try to ruin them. She seems to have no qualms about doing this. She will lie to hurt them, she will start rumors and she will set them up. Whatever it takes or how ever long it takes, she will do it to get even. It is scary to watch, and when I try to talk with her, she says it is none of my business, and I had better stay out of it if I know what is good for me. I don't think she used to be like this. I don't know whether or not I just didn't see it or if it started later in her life. The horrible thing is, is that I love her. I don't want to lose her, but I am afraid to stay with her. I feel like I am living a nightmare and I can't wake up.
A: I think it is time you wake up and weigh your options. How long can you love some one whom you describe as "evil?" If you stay with her, she will eventually turn on you as well. Did you hear yourself when you quoted her as saying, "I had better stay out of it, if I know what is good for me?" Even now, I'm concerned about what will happen to you if you do leave her. If you decide to leave, plan your escape and get lots of support from others, like at your place of work, your friends and family. There is little doubt in my mind that she will put you in the same bag as others whom she has wanted to ruin.
