What The Buck?
Host: Michael Buckley, Hollywood hit man
myspace.com/buckthehustler
http://www.youtube.com/peron75
If "American Idol" were cocaine, Michael Buckley would be dead. But, after the barf-bag inducing Bee Gees week, the wicked-Web speed speaker might have to swap reality drugs.
"You could tell me the show is canceled tomorrow and I'll just look forward to 'Big Brother' this summer," Buckley says, after an "Idol" episode that left his stomach emptier than the contestants' "Yo Factor" of the previous night's show.
The Hollywood sass-ass, who spares hardly anyone on his YouTube celeb spiel, puts down Paris and bashes Britney. The once-banned video violator (he overcame some content issues over his "Idol" coverage) tells Between The Lines why he's peeved at all four final Idols (down to three post-interview), whether he'd buy Sanjaya's debut and why he doesn't stand on his hands all day.
Were you disappointed with Bee Gees night?
Michael Buckley: How could you not be? It was a horrible night. I don't think anybody did well. Even Jordin, who I like, and Melinda, who's fine – it was all very dull. I don't know how many Bee Gees are alive, but they're all probably dead right now. This killed 'em.
Who's the most obnoxious judge?
MB: Randy. Oh, Randy. I mean I love Simon. Paula is great television. She's so incoherent. She's so strange. I love her. I can't wait for her reality show (on Bravo). Hey, Paula! Randy, though, (with his) "Yo, so check it out" – everything he says, I mute, I fast forward. I could care less what Randy says. I find him so – ugh! – obnoxious. He keeps saying Jordin is 17. Does he wanna bang her?
Which contestant would you most want to sleep with – if you didn't have a husband?
MB: If I didn't have a husband, who would I sleep with? Oh, Jesus Christ. I would say, well, um, Antonella Barba 'cause she has the most practice. She's the most experienced.
You don't even like that, though.
MB: Please! If I could sleep with her that would get me the most attention. If I slept with Blake or Chris or Phil I would feel dirty. If I slept with Antonella I'd take pictures and show the world just like her girlfriend did. I'd be all proud of it. I'd be like, "Hey, that gay from YouTube – Antonella conquered him." I wouldn't wanna break up Blake and Chris either. That's too cute.
Of the four contestants left (as of May 16), who would you most want to kick to the curb?
MB: I think Blake, honestly. I really think it should be the three final girls. They've been the strongest. I think Blake is the most contemporary and, perhaps, has the most potential to sell albums. But for me watching the show, I would like to see the three girls in the final three. I would like to see the three divas kind of make up for all the J-Huds, Mandisas – all the sisters who went before.
Do you think Blake's beatboxing is getting tiresome?
MB: I can walk on my hands. I do it really well. You think I should walk on my hands every day? You gotta whip it out – that sounded good (laughs) – you gotta whip it out occasionally. Otherwise, it's exhausting.
The big "Idol" question: Who's going to win?
MB: I really like Jordin and I really want her to do well, but the last couple of weeks I'm listening and I'm like, Damn! She's so screechy. It's disheartening. She still has my vote – even though I'm not voting (laughs).
On MySpace, I noticed that "Idol"-loser Sanjaya is listed as your number one musical favorite. So, you're a Sanjaya guy?
MB: I think I need to update that. I'm not very good at updating my MySpace – my interests and things. I list TV shows and perhaps I updated it months ago when Sanjaya was very popular. I think I have like Sanjaya than Shania Twain (listed on MySpace), so there's obviously some – I mean I had Paris Hilton on there at one point! I obviously don't pay that much attention to who I – so I'm going to have to update that since you're quoting me on that! (laughs). Sanjaya is certainly not my musical favorite!
But would you buy his debut?
MB: I wouldn't buy a CD if it was my sister. I download everything for free (laughs).
How did "What The Buck?" begin?
MB: Well, I knew I wanted to kind of develop a show for myself, and I really just didn't want to waste time going on auditions and trying to put myself out there. In a way, I wanted to develop something just for me. So, "What the Buck?" My name is Buck. I thought, "Woo, that's a great title!" I started shooting them at the local TV studio. And my cousin put one or two online and they got a pretty good reaction and then I started putting more up and it got a really good reaction.
When did you decide, "Oh, hell, I could be trash-talking celebrities like Kathy Griffin does"?
MB: Oh, my God, I've always trash talked celebrities in my daily life 'cause you'd watch them on the talk shows and you're just like, "Oh, shut up!" If I ever become famous and I'm a total a-hole, I mean, I hope somebody calls me out on it. You can't complain when you're a celebrity and (say), "Boo-hoo, people are following me." It's like, "Shut up! You asked for this." I just think, everything that happens in Hollywood – Paris Hilton going to jail and David Hasselhoff's tape, Alec Baldwin yelling at his daughter – let me tell ya, I know it involves children sometimes, but it never hurts their careers. It's like, David Hasselhoff has a book coming out a week after this tape comes out, Alec Baldwin has a book coming out about parental alienation … , Paris Hilton is conveniently going to jail a week after "The Simple Life" premiere. And then she will conveniently get out of jail just in time for the season finale. It's just so stupid. They're all such a-holes.
They make themselves easy targets for you.
MB: Exactly! (laughs)
These days, who's the easiest star to mock?
MB: Oh my God! It's not even fair to mock Britney Spears anymore 'cause she's so far gone. She's just a drag queen lately. She's not even like a girl pop star; she's just this freakish thing. And now, though, I'm ready to make fun of her again. She made a mistake and she performed. So now it's like, you chose to put yourself up on that stage and lip-sync and bop around like a little tramp in slow motion and now – you know what? – I'm going to make fun of you again. I don't care if she drops her baby; I don't care if she shaves her head – that's life. I care that she is a bad performer, and she used to be a sexy dancer and whip out all those moves and now she's like granny up there – tranny granny.
Now that Sanjaya has all this fame, maybe Britney Spears will give him a call and say, "Hey, let's do a duet."
MB: They can be the new "Donnie & Marie." They should seriously do a reality show together about, you know, rebuilding your career and starting your career from scratch. And they can live in a house together and one night they'd have too much to drink and make out and Britney could be like, "I thought you were a lesbian?" And he could be like, "I thought you were a lesbian?" And that could be season two. Call me VH1!
