Q: I almost feel guilty for writing to you about this, but I would rather write you than talk to my friends about this; they might think I’m nuts. The problem is that my girlfriend, “Kate,” had a haircut and had her long, beautiful hair taken down to a “sassy bob,” as she calls it or probably her hairdresser called it. When I saw her last night, I was devastated. I couldn’t believe she had cut her hair. Her hair always has turned me on. Kate knew I loved her hair and she didn’t ever say anything about getting it cut off.
She says that she didn’t plan on it but when she went to her hairdresser, she just decided to do something different. Now we are in a big fight. She is mad at me because I won’t tell her I like her new look and I’m pissed at her because she made this change with no regard to how I would feel about this change, especially since she knew how much I loved her hair and how much it turned me on. She knew from day one that I was attracted to feminine women, not butchy looking women. Every time I look at her, I just want to cry. Now she doesn’t turn me on at all. What do we do? I can’t fake being turned on by her, and she can’t get her long hair back.
A: I don’t have any answers per se, but I do have a few thoughts for you to think about: From you description of your feelings, it sounds like you only love Kate’s hair. It’s worrisome that you didn’t mention anything else that you love or turns you on about Kate. If that is true, then your relationship is pretty shallow and probably wouldn’t last anyway. I’m also wondering if this fight over her hair is – more to the point of all this – a power struggle between the two of you.
Q: I was out at a party the other night and met this beautiful man, “Joe,” that I thought was really cool. We really hit it off during the party. He is soooo good looking, and we had lots of things in common. He was so easy to talk to, and we had so much going for ourselves.
So anyway, I invited him to come back to my place and have a drink. We both knew we were sexually attracted to each other and I had hoped he would stay the night. I have a pet snake; a harmless pet snake. I keep the snake in my room in a glass cage. The snake can’t get out or anything. Joe and I had a drink and he was really coming on to me, I maneuvered him into my room and he saw the snake. Well, he squealed and quickly started putting his cloths back on, all the while backing out of the room. I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t even listen. Before I knew it he was out the door and running down the street still trying to get his pants all the way on. Well, last night I was at a friend’s house with several other guys and Joe was there. He wouldn’t even speak to me. My friend, “Richard,” later asks me what I had done to him to make Joe hate me so much. I tried to explain but Richard didn’t really believe me. He said that Joe said that it was so bad he wouldn’t even discuss what had happened. I assume Joe has told others the same thing. I can understand Joe being scared of the snake. I didn’t think about it at the time but I certainly would never scare someone on purpose. How do I let others know what really happened so that they don’t think I am some kind of horrible person? Also what would make Joe lie like this?
No Bad Guy Here
A: First you might want to try and talk to Joe and let him know that if he doesn’t stop bad-mouthing you and rectify what he has already spread around, you will tell the truth of the matter. Otherwise, the only thing you can do is tell the truth of what happened, and those that know you will realize that you wouldn’t lie or do anything so bad that it can’t be talked about. No doubt Joe is embarrassed by his behavior — it’s not exactly seen by many as a “manly” thing to run from a snake; a caged one at that. So, in order to save face, Joe is making you look bad.
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