Parting Glances
I'm a skeptic when it comes to Divine Revelations – excepting of course, the OT and NT (King Jame's version), and the final-edited version of Mitt Romney's beloved Book of Mormon.
I was sent the following item by an unknown party, interested only, I'm sure, in my well being and spiritual salvation. (God knows I need it!)
If I seem reticent to be converted that's no doubt because at my advanced age. I hesitate to give up my Post-Stonewall Inn religious beliefs. You, my devout PG readers, are invited nonetheless to judge the news item's spiritual validity for yourself.
What I do find refreshing is that the following message "from on high," delivered by an entity claiming to be Angel Bruce (no relation to the LDS Angel Moroni), is for LGBT worshipers only.
Would you believe it? A revelation translated from recently found platinum plates, and not for sharing with straights, who already have hundreds of religions, cults, and Rebiblican dogmas to choose from. (Religion is a choice, by the way.)
Said platinum plates (no disrespect to American Express) were found hidden in walking distance from a nearby sequestered restroom stall at the Washington Monument.
Under divine inspiration the plates were translated by a former Salvation Army holiday bell ringer turned drag queen, using, so I'm told, an enchanted pair of Gucci gold-rimmed sunglasses (and a cocktail or two) while channeling the lost lingo of Reformed Hieroglyphic Lip-sync. The news item's from DPP, Disassociated Persons Press . . .
Headline: Drag Queen Translates Platinum Plates! Sub headline: Revelation for Gays Only A Sensation!! (Picture: Prophetess Bliss in gold-rimmers grinning radiantly, holding 12 glittering rectangular-shaped plates.)
"Hundreds of devout gay men and a few intrepid so-called dykes are gathering just outside of Roswell, New Mexico, these days to learn about the teachings of a tribe of long lost same-sex inhabitants exiled from Jerusalem for their beliefs and unusual spiritual practices.
"The tribe, called Rainbowites, who seeing the rainbow following Noah's flood, decided it was time for a change, gathered together for mutual support, and following persecution for their private lifestyle, traveled thousands of miles by festooned rafts, eventually settling near what is now Roswell, NM, in about BC 609. Unfortunately, their numbers were decimated by UFO aliens who landed there on their first excursion to that area from outer space.
"The history of the Rainbowites is written upon platinum plates – stolen from one of the crashed UFOs – and this history was 'thankfully preserved', says Prophetess Bliss, 'by a compassionate UFO inhabitant, later known as Angel Bruce. S/he apparently was a closet believer in the Rainbowite holy agenda'.
"In a nutshell, says Prophetess Bliss, the Platinum Plates of Angel Bruce 'teach that same sex partnerships are best for succeeding ages of turmoil, war, and hardships. These partnerships, as long as they are monogamous and not plural, are suited for living in the end times or ongoing last days'".
If interested about the Platinum Plates or joining the Rainbowites, a meeting at your neighborhood LGBT Center is planned for April 1, 2012. (Come hell or high water.)
