By Jody Valley
Q: My boyfriend “George” has so many great qualities. He’s handsome, well-built, smart, sociable, a great dancer, a good cook, has a great job and is talented in many ways. I could go on. You must be wondering what I am writing about. Well, he has one flaw, and that is: his teeth aren’t as white as they could be. I don’t mean they are horrible or disgusting, just that I think George could benefit from whitening. Having his teeth whitened would make him into the perfect specimen of a man. I mean, really, he could be a model if he wanted to do that kind of work.
George and I have been together for almost a year. I have sort of hinted to him about it. I have left around articles that talk about teeth whiting. I have mentioned to him about others whose teeth are not very white, and how “so-and-so” could be better if they would just get them whitened. I have even talked about getting my teeth done, but really, they don’t need it. I was just bringing up the subject so maybe he’d talk about it for himself.
Well, you guessed it, George hasn’t taken the hint. In the past, I’ve found other little flaws that George has had, and I have figured out ways to deal with it, like he didn’t used to dress all that well, so now I go with him to pick out his clothes. Another thing I was successful getting him to do was change his hairstyle. I did this by enlisting his hair stylist to help suggest some different looks and get him to go in another direction with his hair. (He just needed a little help to get to that “hunk” look.)
My problem is with this teeth whitening thing, I just can’t seem to figure out a way that he’ll get the hint that a shade whiter on his teeth will really get rid of this last flaw and just finish him off, nicely. You have some good ideas about how to tell people things, so I’m turning to you.
Just One Last Thing
A: I don’t have any ideas I wish to share with you regarding how to get George to whiten his teeth. However, I do wonder why you need to do this boyfriend makeover thing. It’s like you are trying to make him into some sort of a Ken doll or a trophy man. This inclination of yours to fix your boyfriend — right down to one-shade lighter teeth — strikes me as fairly sick. You are the one needing help, not George.
Q: I’ve been dating “Julie” for five and a half months now. I have not been seeing anyone else, and she told me that she wasn’t either. We discussed this because I won’t sleep with anyone who is seeing or sleeping with someone else. I told her this, and she said that she definitely was not involved with anyone else. Julie told me that she was going this past weekend out-of-state to see her aunt. Of course I was fine with that and had planned to spend a quiet weekend getting some personal stuff done. However, a friend of mine called and asked me to go out with her. I didn’t really want to do it, but finally I agreed to go out for a few hours just to be a good friend to her. She recently broke up and needed to get out for a while.
My friend and I went to a bar and found Julie with another woman, making out in a back booth. What a shock that was! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Julie saw me and just acted weird when I asked her what she was doing and that I thought she was going to see her aunt. She pretended that we were just good friends and that nothing was wrong about what she was doing. I didn’t make a scene; I just turned around and walked away from her. I told my friend that I had to get out of there, so we both left.
Yesterday, I got a call from Julie, she again acted like nothing was really wrong, and wanted to know if I wanted to come over to her place and hang out. Jody, I don’t know what to do with a person who pretends that we aren’t an item and goes out and makes out in public with another woman, then calls me and acts as thought all is well. We had even talked about moving in together in a month or two! Do you get it?
A: What I get is that you would be wise to stay away from this person. She’s obviously someone who can’t be trusted and who has little respect for others. As painful as it may be for you right now, you are lucky to find out about her before the relationship became even more involved. Take care of yourself.