By Jody Valley
Bored and looking
Q: I’ve got a problem that I really can’t discuss with anyone that I know because I just don’t think they would understand what I am going through. I also think it would put me in a bad light with some of my friends. So I hope you can give me some advice on how to handle this.
The problem is that I am getting very bored with my lover, “Joe.” We have been together for about 5 years, and there just seems to be the same old thing, day after day after day. He is a really good person; there is not anything I can say bad about him. I love Joe; it’s just that I am BORED with him. Everybody loves Joe because he is so nice.
I think part of the problem is that he is so nice and even tempered. Everyday is just the same old thing. I come home; he has dinner on the table. He doesn’t have much to talk about because he’s not working. I make enough money so that he doesn’t have to work. Joe is constantly pumping me to talk because he doesn’t have much going on. I’m usually talked out after a hard day, and I want someone to talk to me.
Anyway, lately I have been noticing other men and wishing I was free to start dating. I don’t want to hurt Joe, but I don’t want to spend my life with someone that bores me, either. How do I get out of this relationship, hurting Joes as little as possible, and not looking like a shit?
Looking for a Way Out
A: If you love Joe, then why aren’t you looking at ways to spice up your relationship and life, rather than looking at how to get rid of Joe? Being boring is not just one sided, sounds like you might be a bit boring yourself. I didn’t hear that you’re doing anything terribly excitingÑother than working. Have you talked to Joe about how you are feeling? Maybe, he and you, need to get out more, get involved in some things that interest you both.
If you just dump Joe for someone else that is exciting today, you can bet that in a few years you will be right back where you are today, BORED. It takes work to keep a spark and excitement in a relationship, in a life. Both sides need to work on it, if you don’t, both of you will become bored. Also, remember that those exciting infatuation feelings you get in a new relationship will always fade, over time, turning into a deeper kind of love. Even so, it is important that you work on keeping your relationship and life, keeping it vibrant and alive.
As for how you can get out of this relationship with out hurting Joe and not looking like a shit. You can’t.
‘Will fight war for college books’
Q: Do you think I have a right to say that I don’t want my girlfriend to join the service, to go over seas, and fight in Iraq? We are having a big fight because she says it is her life, and I should support her decision. I think it is my right to say what I believe, and I don’t believe in the war, and I also don’t want Sarah (not her real name) to go and put her life on the line. She really is not big on the war either; I don’t understand this. She says that she wants to go so she can get her education paid for when she gets back. I am afraid she will never come back. How do I get her to see how foolish she is being?
No War Widow, Here
A: I’m wondering if I’m missing something here, as it seems obvious that there are certainly other options for getting an education, if that’s really her only reason for wanting to sign-up. Maybe you need to see if there are other reasons as well, or if the education thing is just an excuse for something else. If it is just all about education, I would suggest that the both of you looked at all the other options, like grants, scholarships, loans.
Do you have a right to say you don’t want Sarah to join the service to fight in Iraq? Of course you have the right to say it. She also has the right to decide to go no matter what you say or want.