Parting Glances: Inaugural Sermon on the Mountebank

NOTE: The following well-known Sermon on the Mount — politically updated — is taken from the Theocratic New World Translation of the New Testament. It is suitable for reading in Thanksgiving Services in all Fundygelical churches. (Trump picture. Votive candles optional).
1. And so gathered Trump, the Last-Days Prophet Elect at Mount Rushmore, under the stoic, eternal stone faces of America's prophets past: Saints Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt.
2. And there among them stood Prophet Trump. He spoke to the thousands of Electoral College disciples so gathered. Mostly white. Mostly male. Many hooded. All straight in their concordance to total alignment of religious thought, belief and divinely sanctioned political participation and theocratic clout.
3. So spake the blond halo'd holy prophet, thus. Being straight himself, he minced no words.
4. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall become poorer, not in hope or anticipation of our nation's future, but poorer in lack of possessions, wealth, health care, equal employment opportunities.
5. Blessed are they who mourn, for what passes for comfort bestowed by us and our zealous disciples, will be for these mourners to be allowed to mourn even more for the next four, possibly eight, possibly 12 years.
6. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth, that for the collective burden of their sins of disobedience in accepting Climate Change will be allowed to be abused further as punishment by wealthy and corporate continental interests.
7. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be taught to adhere to the Gospel of Exclusion and Bigotry of other non-true faiths and beliefs. Should they choose to burn holy books, it's a theocratic privilege.
8. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown the richness of the absence of such mercy; as penance for past mistaken belief that all men and women, regardless of sexual and rainbow orientations, are created equal.
9. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness — but only if they are born-again, evangelical, tax-free Christians — for such shall be allowed to persecute, shun and name-call others.
10. Blessed are you when others insult you by voting non-sanctioned political beliefs and say all kinds of media evil against you falsely because of me. Vengeance is mine. I will repay. The IRS be damned.
11. Rejoice and be glad because it is your reward in Seventh Heaven, for in the same way they persecuted true believers Il Duce, the Fuhrer, Kim Davis, Ann Coulter, Pat Robertson and other Left Behind prophets before you.
12. Be blessed.
13. My past is your prologue! Putania forever. Amen.