What It's Like to Be Queer on a Non-Queer Cruise

Just how out and proud could this gay couple be on their Oceania cruise around the arctic?

Iceland 13 — An iceberg in the north Atlantic Ocean. Photo: Jason Villemez

Published: September 20, 2023 | Last Updated: September 20, 2023

Courtesy of the National LGBT Media Association

My husband Jason and I have been on numerous cruises on many LGBTQ+ cruise lines, and some that weren’t. For our current trip we booked a cruise on Oceania, a line known for its food (they claim the best food at sea), exceptional attention to detail and out-of-the-ordinary shore excursions.

We chose Oceania once before, and it was above most of the other cruises we’ve done. Another advantage of Oceania is that they do exotic itineraries. Our July cruise started in Reykjavik, Iceland and then proceeded to Greenland, the Shetland Islands, Denmark and Sweden before ending in Oslo, Norway after a whopping 15 days. We traveled with another gay couple, our friends Klay and Val, who are out and proud like us.

But how out and proud could we, as LGBTQ+ people, be on this traditional cruise?

On the first night of the cruise, the ship promoted an “LGBTQIA+ Get Together” in their daily schedule printout. The four of us attended along with three other couples, though we weren’t the only LGBTQ+ people on board. Throughout the trip, we met many other LGBTQ+ people, mostly couples, who also had other cruise experiences. I asked many of them why they picked this cruise over an LGBTQ+ cruise, as well as how comfortable they felt being out on this cruise.

The overwhelming answer was that people on a cruise, like the general population, gravitate to like-minded people. Most of those I spoke with were comfortable being open about their sexuality. Jason and I felt comfortable enough to show our emotions at times and hold hands or put an arm around each other, just like non-LGBTQ+ couples. Could we have done that a decade ago? Probably not.

Like any cruise, we found ourselves finding our own friends who turned out to be a fascinating lot. One of those was a couple who work at a small college and are developing new ways to be inclusive to LGBTQ+ students. Another was a retired couple from Seattle, another from Dallas.

For all of us, the two factors that led us to this cruise were the itinerary and the reputation of Oceania. Let’s start with the cruise stops.

Reykjavik, Iceland

The departing port of the cruise, Reykjavik, deserves a few days to tour since it has some of the greatest landscapes and wonders on earth, and if you’re lucky as we were, you will be met by an active volcano. We had arranged three days of touring with an LGBTQ+ tour company called Pink Iceland. Not only is there a sizable LGBTQ+ population in Iceland, but it seems everywhere you go there are rainbows. The country even has had a lesbian Prime minister. It’s one of the most LGBTQ-friendly places on earth.

Iceland 1 — Rainbow Street, Reykjavik. Photo: Jason Villemez

Our first day we traveled to the south shore and marveled at the raw natural landscape, which looks like something from the moon but is actually dried lava with moss growing atop. The volcanoes and glaciers are abundant, and with all the volcanoes, you’ll see steam coming up from the ground in certain places. This has translated to natural geothermal power that powers the country, as well as natural glacier water (which tastes better than any bottled water) in every home.

Later that day we went to the black beach at Reynisfjara with its basalt rock formation from eruptions thousands of years ago. We also visited and walked behind several waterfalls, and the sunshine meant that rainbows were aplenty. It was wet, magical and romantic.

Our second day began with an adventurous ATV ride on that moonscape with a stop at a dormant volcano’s top ridge. With me driving, Jason held on for dear life. Afterwards, we spent the afternoon in the world famous Blue Lagoon spa, where there are pools of volcanic minerals and silica that are a color of blue you’ll see no other place on earth. As you soak you can apply those minerals as a face mask. Even though it was around 50 degrees outside, by the time we finished, we were all pleasantly overheated.

During our third day we toured the capital city, which is easily walkable and features a giant rainbow street, and then attended a get-together organized by Eva and Birna, the owners of Pink Iceland, with some local LGBTQ+ community members, including a member of parliament and a playwright who was the first to come out in his village in western Iceland. The audience was among the most engaged I’ve ever spoken to, and they asked insightful questions and were delightful to engage with. Iceland is a country built on stories (called the Sagas), so the people are keen to learn the stories of others.

After our three days in Reykjavik, we went onto our ship, the Oceania Riviera.

The completely renovated ship had recently come out of dry dock. Its cabin was the most beautiful we’ve ever seen at sea and had ample closet space and a bathroom with a rainfall shower. Our home away from home would be comfy.

Isafjordur, Iceland

Iceland is still developing its infrastructure for tourism. Our ship had provided 10 shore excursions, but all were completely sold before we even boarded the ship, including the one we wanted most: whale watching. The fact that shore excursions sell out months before the trip was not fully communicated to us. When we attempted to book six weeks before the trip, many ports had no available excursions. Nevertheless, in this small fishing village, left to our own devices we discovered one of the treasures of Iceland, the Tjöruhúsið restaurant.

Known to be the most traditional Icelandic food in the country, you still needed a reservation since locals and tourists come from all over for its cuisine. But in true Icelandic hospitality, the staff found room and were kind enough to seat us, and I must admit that while I’m not a seafood eater it was amazing. The buffet meal included a fish soup, five types of fish entrees (including fish throat, which I didn’t know existed), various vegetable combinations, and coffee, biscuits and chocolate.

After the meal, we took a stroll through the village and discovered that among the fishing boats, fjords (long, narrow bodies of water that reach far inland) and homes, the town square had a giant rainbow painted down the center. That’s two for two cities in Iceland with rainbow streets.

Paamiut, Greenland

Our second stop was a small village of about 1,300 whose complete economy was fishing and seal hunting. Very few cruise ships have ever stopped there, and for good reason. While there are very few facilities and the infrastructure is sparse, the main problem was that as we approached, the seas were somewhat choppy and we found ourselves in a sea of Icebergs. Before I could suggest to everyone that we all break out into a chorus of “My Heart Will Go On,” the captain stated the obvious: he canceled the adventure in Paamiut. It was not safe to take the tender boats to shore (there was nowhere to dock in a port that small). Our consolation prize was being treated to a sea of majestic icebergs as we sailed away.

Nuuk, Greenland

The capital of Greenland, Nuuk, held its Pride celebration the week before we arrived. Discovering small cities with Pride events astonishes me even to this day. We had tried to find a Nuuk Pride T-shirt but since the city is so small (17,000 people) the organizers told me they didn’t have the funds to create merch.

For our excursion for the day, we chose the Fjord Boat Tour, which was majestic. Our boat driver dodged icebergs like a taxi weaving in and out of traffic. When we stopped for a few minutes, the calmness and solitude, being surrounded by ice and mountains, was otherworldly.

Sadly, our driver said that 10 years ago, none of the ice in the water was there, and that it has been a result of climate change and melting ice. I shudder to think what the area will be like in another 10 years. There might be so much ice that boats can’t get anywhere.

Iceland 7 — Qaqortoq, Greenland. Photo: Jason Villemez

Qaqortoq, Greenland

In Qaqortoq, a 1,500-person city south of Nuuk, the excursion we chose was the “Kaffemik," basically enjoying coffee and traditional Greenland cakes in a private house. We walked up the hills and passed by colorful homes to get to the residence of our host, an 80-year-old widow with Swedish ancestry who was charming and explained Greenlandic culture. One of her children was there to help translate, while her other children live in Denmark, which Greenland is a territory of. During the pandemic, Greenland received ample funds from Denmark to make up for the loss of income in industry.

After we wrapped up our sightseeing, that evening, while walking around the ship, we came across a portrait of a woman who is the godmother of the ship, Cat Cora, the famous Iron Chef. She and her wife and children were also among the guests on board with us. We went to see her give a talk the following evening. During her presentation she introduced her family, and afterwards we got a chance to chat. When I asked her about how it felt introducing her wife, she said, “That’s what we need as a community; we need to be more visible.”

Torshavn (Faroe Islands), Denmark

This charming capital of the Faroe Islands is a wonder of old architecture and homes with grass roofs. The town's Library had several LGBTQ+ books on display in the window due to the previous week's Pride celebration. This trip, after learning about Pride in Nuuk, Greenland and the Faroe Islands, proved what I’ve always believed: that Pride is one of the best exports America has ever given to the world. I thought of my friend Ellen Broidy who helped write the resolution that created Pride, and all of us who marched in that first Pride in 1970 in New York.

Lerwick (Shetlands Islands), Scotland

Believe it or not, it was actually stated in the ship's excursion brochure “encounters with Shetland ponies is not guaranteed,” which gave me a chuckle. The tour we were on in Lerwick included going to the town’s museum to learn about the Shetland Bus, where people ferried people and supplies back and forth between Norway during WWII, as well as, thankfully, a stop at a Shetland Pony farm. Seeing the ponies and the beautiful green hills full of sheep was the highlight of this stop. One surprise was that while the Shetlands are part of Scotland, the citizens feel culturally closer to Norway, and there are lots of Viking motifs.

Skagen, Denmark

Skagen is the picture-perfect Danish seaside town. I’d recommend not doing any guided tours and just walking around the city’s downtown area on your own. There are museums, art galleries, shopping, and plenty of outdoor cafes and bistros. There are also top-notch garden shops and plenty of greenery for those who have a green thumb.

Gothenburg, Sweden

Sweden's second largest city has a population of 579,000 and is a model of a beautiful European city with second empire buildings and a very large central shopping area. We stumbled upon some fun shops, including one dedicated to Pippi Longstocking, as well as the largest cinnamon rolls and cookies we’ve ever seen. We took some time to sit in a city park and enjoy the surroundings.

On the final night of the cruise, we enjoyed a performance by Tiano, the tenor and piano duo of Shimi Goodman and Chris Hamilton. They dedicated one of the love songs to Val and Klay, who were celebrating their 25th anniversary. The duo will soon embark on a North American tour, and we’re looking forward to seeing them again. They’re also a couple, and they mentioned that they were glad to meet other LGBTQ+ people on the ship.

Oslo, Norway

The cruise ended in Oslo, Norway, and many passengers planned a couple day layover before heading home. But others, like Jason and I, decided to head to the airport the morning of disembarkation, and we purchased tickets from the ship that would transfer us and our luggage to the airport. The luggage was put in a truck, and we were ushered into buses. The process was confusing, and there was no ship representative at the airport to direct us where our luggage was. Ultimately, the truck with the luggage arrived about 15 minutes after we did, and everyone was reunited with their bags.

Compared to the other Oceania cruise we did, this one failed to meet expectations. While it had what seemed like the best cabin at sea and a wonderful itinerary, the staff, while helpful, seemed to be learning on the job. The other major disappointment was the food. Oceania no longer has the best food at sea. Oceania seems to have lost the sparkle that made it one of the best cruise companies around.

Looking back on our trip, it’s the people we met and the destinations we saw along the way that we’ll remember most. A private party with some of the LGBTQ+ guests we met; Tiano on that final night; the maitre’d in the dining room who seemed to know the name of every passenger on the ship.

And despite the ship’s faults, seeing Iceland, Greenland and so many other places was an experience of a lifetime. We can’t wait to go back to Reykjavik someday and see more of the country and meet more of the people, and we’re forever grateful to have seen Greenland, a place of unparalleled beauty. It’s a reminder that the planet has existed long before humans, and that we are but a small part of the wide wonder of nature.

Mark Segal is publisher of the Philadelphia Gay News. This story is courtesy of the National LGBTQ Media Association.