Dolly Parton Spent Her Life Affirming Us. Trump Is Spending Her Death Centering Himself.
I want to say Dolly Parton was too good for this world, but I don’t think she’d agree with such a statement. But I think it’s fair to say she was better than most. After her death it seemed like no one had a single bad word to say about her.
Unlike, say, Lindsay Graham and Charlie Kirk. The invective hurled at their corpses was understandable, if not exactly equal to the ugliness they perpetuated while alive.
Dolly Parton is an amazing example of someone who was talented, kind and never forgot her roots. Lindsay Graham is an example of a person who ascended to power and then used that power to hurt people. Charlie Kirk was a tried and true racist asshole. He was literally saying something racist when he was killed.
The moral of the story: Live your life so that people don’t celebrate when you die. And so The Onion doesn’t feel the need to dunk on your earthly demise.
Dolly Parton was a queer icon. Or should I say IS a queer icon? LGBTQ+ people will always love her.
She also transcended musical genres. One of her last albums was “Rockstar,” which she made after her induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (an honor she initially declined). On it she dueted with other queer icons like Melissa Etheridge, Brandi Carlile, Elton John, Linda Perry and Rob Halford.
I love Rob Halford. He’s the proudly gay singer of legendary heavy metal band Judas Priest. I absolutely love Judas Priest. And I love Dolly Parton.
Not only did Rob Halford duet with Dolly Parton on “Bygones” (a damn good song), she also invited him to sing at her Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. Let me tell you, Rob Halford singing “Jolene” (one of the greatest songs in the history of songs — this is not up for debate) with Dolly Parton blew my mind.
His, too.
“Somehow, instinctively, I knew we were going to meet,” Halford told Metal Hammer magazine. “I always tell the story of my mother’s grandmother, who was a clairvoyant, and I still think I’ve got a little of that in me, because something went, ‘You’re going to meet Dolly Parton.’ Two or three days later, these emails come into the office, and Dolly’s reached out, asking, ‘Would you sing some lines on ‘Jolene’?’ You sit at home and go, ‘Oh my god, this is truly going to happen!’”
You may be thinking, “Uh, okay. But why are you writing about this? Isn’t this column supposed to be about creeps who hate LGBTQ+ people?”
It is. Usually. But in honor of Dolly Parton, I want to remind you, and myself, that there is still goodness in the world. Dolly Parton may be gone, but her goodness lives on. And it can live on in all of us.
But don’t worry. Amid all of the beautiful tributes and kind words voiced around the world, there was one person who made the death of Dolly Parton about himself. And that person is Donald Trump.
Shocking, I know.
The day Dolly Parton died, Trump told fellow pathetic man Glenn Beck, “She was unique. She was amazing, and to lose her, it’s like losing a member of the family,” Trump said.
Now, a normal person would have stopped there. But Trump is not a normal person. And, honestly, he probably would have gotten praise for his “eloquent tribute” or some shit.
“She wasn’t a very political person,” Trump added. “She really liked me, I will tell you.”
Indeed, he will tell us that. But even with her heart of gold, I doubt she “really liked” him.
In an attempt to, once again, insert himself into the national mourning for Dolly Parton, he posted an AI generated image of the two of them, arm in arm, strolling together at the White House.
There is just so much insult here. For one thing, AI sucks. It is a tool of fascism (which explains why Trump loves it so much). And also, if Trump wanted to post a photo of Dolly Parton, he could have posted an actual photo of her. Millions probably exist. But then it wouldn’t be about him.
It’s hard to know if Trump is completely delusional or if, somewhere deep down, he knows that he is reviled by the majority of the world. That there will literally be parties in the street when dies. That he will be remembered as a wretched little man.
No doubt, The Onion will have a field day.
Another metal band I love, Agriculture, has a lyric in their song “My Garden” that goes, “Death is the ultimate fucker.”
Death will eventually get us all. While you’re alive, be a Parton, not a Trump.
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